“D’you want the shits and shakes with your burger, ma’am?”

That’s....really quite fucking sad, really.  No, honestly, it’s sad to think that whole clusters of people are choosing to start their day with an awful sugary bowl of elf-cum than having eating a proper balanced breakfast.  

It’s called “kettling”.  Its a tactic that seems more designed to cause panic and disorder in the protestor ranks and to give the Police a psychological advantage over the people.  We saw it being used here in the UK throughout the 80s and 90s.  

See, the Fuzzball 3000 sees the floor as *his* domain.  You put your feet down and he’ll look upon it as prey or a chew-toy.  Even worse is if you’re trying to play with him and he’s just coming down off a case of the zoomies.  Make a wrong move and you’ll get a full fuzzy facehugger experience...

No, dear, that’s not your diabetes talking, that’s your mother-fucking-her-brother-and-you-being-the-end-product talking, you pathetic piece of shit.  Fuck off now.

Oh, I should say: I don’t miss that day in August when a plane flew overhead and I nearly shat myself because of the sudden engine roar. They’re right about that fucking Dreamliner: it’s really quiet!

Try doing that with a cat.  It adds a degree of excitement, not knowing when the fuzzy psycho’ll next pounce!  Is it before or after you’ve just reached for that extra slice!?

*stare*

God, it’s a year since I was last in my workplace. I remember being taken aside by my manager and her manager, them sitting me down and saying “Look, we know you’ve got multiple sclerosis, we’ve been checking everything with the NHS and we cannot find any indication to say you’re less likely to be affected. So we’re…

It’s probably a legacy of putting one’s milk bottles out for the milkman, but my mother raised us to wash out containers and bottles even if they weren’t going to be recycled. There’s also the pest-problem, especially on bin days when the Bastard Fuckwit Brigade - aka gulls - cruise the skies, looking for quick…

Dunno about hip surgery - one of my stepdad’s mates was given a DVD recording of his own hip replacement surgery and it’s amazing to watch.  Truly amazing what doctors can do these days.  Didn’t help that his wife would watch it and go “I always hope for a gusher at this bit...”  Gruesome woman!

Skipping rope, eh?

My cousin’s a GP and her husband’s a surgeon. The stories they’ve told of people getting kicked out of Uni for being “inappropriate” with a cadaver is fucking startling. And when I say “inappropriate” I mean inappropriate...

Just herd them all into a stadium, lock the doors and nuke the fucking place.

Here’s the Obligatory White Guy Take On This.

One of my mates pointed out that she’s called Laura Doyle. Which makes me cackle.

I’m going to demand that this article be edited. I demand that the man accused of her murder be named and his job listed in the first paragraph. This little fact shouldn’t be buried towards the end of the article. The fact is this: Sarah Everard was kidnapped and then later murdered by a serving police officer of the…

Season two was a let-down (New Media sucked). Season three, however, does manage to recapture some of the magic of the first season, especially when we get to meet the Orishas - why the actual fuck the book or the show never focused more on African mythologies is something I’ve never been able to figure out. Just…

“Emotionally harrowing”? What the everlasting actual fuck are you smoking Sam? Banana peel with a side of crack? Outlander is about as emotionally harrowing as blancmange.

You’re due a mid-life crisis, sweetie.  You either have a torrid affair or a horrific bug-eating experience.  Make a choice already!