I’m from Chino. Back when it was just dairy farms and prisons. It’s a hot goddamned mess now. I blame LaVar Ball.

Pandas should be extinct. Mankind should not hasten or delay the end of a species.

Is that a can of skoal in his right pocket?

Skittles and M&M’s mixed taste like bad, flu vomit. As opposed to other vomits that aren’t that bad.

Because he registered as a 2020 candidate 5 minutes after taking office. Now he can hold good old fashioned Hitler rallies and have his “campaign” pay for it.

They called that guy on Cheers “coach” forever. Maybe he’s at that bar.

I saw Old 97's at Space, which is in Evanston. That was exciting.

“Hamlet? I wrote that shit in like a fortnight. Shakespeare got to get paid, son.”

I’m sure it has nothing at all to do with the fact that he’s black or that the whistle blower is a huge booster and even bigger bigot.

Weird. Mara Sullivan and Tayia Bush got the exact same pizza. Maybe they’re a couple. Or maybe people just find shitty heart shaped pizzas on imgur and then tweet them out like they received them. Great reporting as usual, Bar...

I own coffee shops in a mid-major city in trendy, hot markets. My rent is expensive. I thought I’d like to open in the local international airport. The rent is quadruple what I pay at my most expensive location. I would have to double the price of products and double my average traffic just to break even. I didn’t go…

Goddammit. Scooby didn’t say “Ruh-Roh”. That was Astro on the Jetsons (who was the same voice actor). STOP THE FAKE NEWS!!!

The scariest creature that is non-lethal is the California Potato bug. Sometimes referred to as “Satan’s Fetus”.

My dog doesn’t even pretend anymore. He just watches it bounce past and looks at me like “YOU get it.”

He was able to read the body language of the Intelligence Officers that were briefing him. He knew they hated Obama and had waffles for breakfast.

I was once on the 5 just north of Miami. The traffic, as usual, was at a standstill. All of a sudden, about 20 immigrants climb over the guardrail and start trying to get into cars. Mostly they climbed into the backs of pickups and laid down. I think we were all in shock, because nobody really did anything. I mean,…

...and Mack Brown and Mark May.

As a Buckeye fan, our relationship with MSU is weird. They are certainly not a rival, but no team in the last 4 years has broken our hearts like Michigan State. There’s respect there, and a healthy dose of concern, but there not rivals.

fuxxxx thaxxxxx xxxxxguy.

I have made a burger or some other sandwich thing and then realized I only had a flour tortilla. I just made the burger the way i always do: lettuce, tomato, 1000 island, cheese, onion, pickles. And I wrapped that son of a bitch in a tortilla and it was good. Why did they fuck this up?