They have one called Red, White and Cherry. It’s patriotic. But the phrase is “red, white and blue”. Cherries aren’t blue. The word cherry doesn’t rhyme with blue. I don’t get it.

My 104 year old grandmother drives one of those. It has 12,750 miles on it. And yes, I said 104 and drives.

Keep a flask of bourbon in your pocket. Drink only beer in front of people. Make them think you’re the biggest lightweight because you only had three beers but you’ve hit on the bartender twice. They don’t know you’ve also had a pint of Jim Bean.

Is that list in any order at all?

I love deviled eggs. I love hard-boiled eggs. I love pickles. I have never had a pickled egg. Should I try one?

I am a 50 year old man and I am addicted to Fixer Upper. I want my wife and I to be JoAnna and Chip and at the same time I want to be their best friends. I am considering moving to Waco just to buy a house from them. Help me.

You must be from Michigan. I’ll enjoy watching OSU spoil your season this year.

That was a lot of work. Nice.

To the WBC:

Where were these guys 6 months ago? Fuck these guys.

Youngstown State is on that list and I believe it. They get their rapin’ done at the high school level.

Just last month I lost my brother to a similar accident. The autopsy came back with “blunt head trauma, drowning”. He was by himself at Clear Lake, CA and he wasn’t wearing a life vest. That may not have saved him because of the head trauma, but it would have improved his chances.

I fucked up, though. It senor...

Signore...the bull does not always lose...

That Saturday morning, my neighbor yelled from his yard: “The Pavoratti killed Princess Diana”. I was really confused for a while.

Moon Landing. The first one. Yes, I am old.

#WrongAboutDukeLacrosse

Putin Tweets:

And stop calling this a “Radical Islamist” terrorist attack. The shooter was crazy. He could have scrteamed “God save the Queen!” or “Ting-Tang Wallah Wallah Bing Bang” and it wouldn’t be any less horrific. He was a self loathing gay man who was raised to hate what he was. He was no more a terrorist than the Colorado…

I just called Steve Chabot’s office (I live in Ohio). He was out voting. I asked if he was voting to ban high powered semi-automatic weapons like the AR-15. His office said, “No”. I said, “I hope the $54,000 he got from the NRA bought him some piece of mind. He will not get my vote and I will actively volunteer to…