I know of at least 49 deaths that would have been prevented.

Put Your Money On Me is a nice bookend for Don’t Stop Me Now

Based on experience, I would hit that at the exact moment I raise my molten McDonald’s coffee to my lips.

Know what’s else in her voice? Broken glass and fingernails scratching a chalkboard.

And yet, the obesity rate was a third of what it is now.

Judge Sloth agrees.

My wife has a knack for being in the exact wrong lane at any momnt. If we have to turn right in 200 feet, you can bet your ass she’ll manage to be in the far left lane 10 feet before our turn. This is when she slows and cuts across two lanes of traffic. It makes me crazy.

My son and I once saw a show about sensory illusions. And the show said that frosted flakes and mayo on a sandwich would taste just like a BLT.

I love the look on her mom’s (?) face at Frozen On Ice. It’s like she knows she’s in hell but she has to stay for the kid.

I’ve been to the Williamsburg Busch Gardens twice. Both times in August. Because I can’t learn and something happens when you’re away from 125 degrees with 200% humidity. When a 14 year old boy - at 11:00 AM - says he wants to leave the amusement park because it’s too hot (there were no lines!!!) you know it’s fucking…

Any manual at 5:30 on a Chicago freeway.

Uh, yeah...I’m dating Jessica Lowndess. Yeah. That’s the ticket.

Chicago

Cinco De Mayo

I don’t know what it is about Irish whiskey, but a shot of it guarantees I puke. I drink bourbon all the time and have no problems. But Irish whiskey has some flavor that just triggers my gag reflex. It’s a shame, really.

In defense of Disney, they do not charge for express passes. They have a deal where you get a ticket with a time to return from one ride and then go stand in line for another. Then, when you get off that ride, you go ride the ride you had a ticket for.

If a girl wears it, it’s an awesome shirt. On a guy, it’s the equivalent to an Ed Hardy shirt: Instant D-Bag Identifier.

With their party falling apart and the two possible losing choices being Cruz or Drumpf, aren’t they afraid that President Sanders is going to nominate REAL liberals? If I were them, I’d take an Obama moderate. There is no way it’ll be a republican president.

She’s a goddamned donut-licker...the lowest of low. I bet she she doesn’t lick pastries at one of those fancy-shmancy coffee bars in New York, but the first time she’s in a Dunkin’ Donuts she can’t whip her tongue out fast enough.

Here’s some advice: