He was able to read the body language of the Intelligence Officers that were briefing him. He knew they hated Obama and had waffles for breakfast.

I was once on the 5 just north of Miami. The traffic, as usual, was at a standstill. All of a sudden, about 20 immigrants climb over the guardrail and start trying to get into cars. Mostly they climbed into the backs of pickups and laid down. I think we were all in shock, because nobody really did anything. I mean,…

...and Mack Brown and Mark May.

As a Buckeye fan, our relationship with MSU is weird. They are certainly not a rival, but no team in the last 4 years has broken our hearts like Michigan State. There’s respect there, and a healthy dose of concern, but there not rivals.

fuxxxx thaxxxxx xxxxxguy.

I have made a burger or some other sandwich thing and then realized I only had a flour tortilla. I just made the burger the way i always do: lettuce, tomato, 1000 island, cheese, onion, pickles. And I wrapped that son of a bitch in a tortilla and it was good. Why did they fuck this up?

They have one called Red, White and Cherry. It’s patriotic. But the phrase is “red, white and blue”. Cherries aren’t blue. The word cherry doesn’t rhyme with blue. I don’t get it.

My 104 year old grandmother drives one of those. It has 12,750 miles on it. And yes, I said 104 and drives.

Keep a flask of bourbon in your pocket. Drink only beer in front of people. Make them think you’re the biggest lightweight because you only had three beers but you’ve hit on the bartender twice. They don’t know you’ve also had a pint of Jim Bean.

Is that list in any order at all?

I love deviled eggs. I love hard-boiled eggs. I love pickles. I have never had a pickled egg. Should I try one?

I am a 50 year old man and I am addicted to Fixer Upper. I want my wife and I to be JoAnna and Chip and at the same time I want to be their best friends. I am considering moving to Waco just to buy a house from them. Help me.

You must be from Michigan. I’ll enjoy watching OSU spoil your season this year.

That was a lot of work. Nice.

To the WBC:

Where were these guys 6 months ago? Fuck these guys.

Youngstown State is on that list and I believe it. They get their rapin’ done at the high school level.

Just last month I lost my brother to a similar accident. The autopsy came back with “blunt head trauma, drowning”. He was by himself at Clear Lake, CA and he wasn’t wearing a life vest. That may not have saved him because of the head trauma, but it would have improved his chances.

I fucked up, though. It senor...

Signore...the bull does not always lose...