When you're in the middle of a heated exchange, you often say things that sounded good in your head, but sound like nonsense when you say it out loud. When I was in the eighth grade this guy wanted to fight me for some reason. He caught me in the middle of the quad between classes and we started with the chest-bumping…

No wonder the B1G seems down...I've never seen OSU and Minnesota look so small.

Just imagine what they'd do with a Pee-Chee.

To be fair, at least a dozen of those were going to be followed up with: Can you spare some change?

Your opinion in incorrect.

The only thing worse than actually being in a book club is reading people talk about the books they're reading in their book club. Congratulations.

Tallahassee Police Department:

I felt a little bit like Ralphie decoding his lil' Orphan Annie clue...

I saw Paranormal Activity at a pre-screening in Columbus, OH. It was just starting to generate buzz and was being shown on campuses only. It was at Studio 35, an older theater and it was sold out. The entire audience wanted to be scared by this movie and you could feel the excitement.

My wife and I went to a Hallowe'en party as roller coaster riders. Well, I was. She was a sexy roller coaster rider.

Children. Use your young children to make the transaction go faster. If you don't have young children borrow some. When the deal starts to drag, tell the salesman that if you're not out of here in an hour, you're going to let the kids "play" and they've got their eye on that cool GT-R.

Is secession on the ballot again? Can it get there? Will you PLEASE secede, Texas?

Why can't you guys just mind your own damned business and let a guy try and win back the girl of his dreams?

I don't know. I've been in the fashion industry for years and a merchandise assistant makes at least $35,000 right out of college. Inventory Analysts (Allocation) make about the same. The next step up is around $45.0 and then $65, $85, $100 plus.

P.S. This is not a fake letter.

I am extremely disappointed that he didn't include either "Flubber" or "Tall Story".

Here's my Bath and Body Works Story:

Have you considered that maybe it's banned because it is a shitty, shitty song?

I'm trying to think of another song that could incorporate the turnip/turn up pun as well. Turn Up The Music by Chris Brown? Would that be better? Maybe you should unbunch those panties.

Where does he think he is? Texas?