It's elderly white man's blues. About a million men do this. His isn't any worse than any of the others. At least he comes down on the righteous side.

If your dick looks like a bomb pop for longer than four hours, consult a physician.

If it makes you feel better, my "Birthday Meal" was Sirloin Tips and Rice. It was my favorite thing that my mom cooked. You know, the Banquet Frozen Sirloin Tips in Gravy mixed with Minute Rice.

God Damn. He was something, wasn't he?

That inspired me to take a nap. Damn.

You're better at making sandwiches than you are being a social commentator. Just sayin'

The older I get, the closer I get to being a marshmallow dildo. Sigh.

So that's like a U/.005?

By the way, if you buy a new TV, you will notice that sports look great and movies look like absolute shit. They look like they were filmed live with Carrie Underwood playing a Von Trapp. This is because new TVs have an anti-blurring technology (Samsung's is called Auto Motion) that produces what is known as the "soap…

That guy has a nice place.

So much twee. So. Much. Twee. I. Can't.

Looks like a Drive By Trucker's Album.

Being a dad is way cooler than wearing jeans.

I was behind a girl in suburb traffic. She was swerving, she was almost rear-ending people at stop lights and then she wouldn't go when the light turned green. I thought she was drunk.

The frunk is carpeted? I like a nice, carpeted frunk.

No doubt Texas A&M looked great, but SC looked AWFUL.

Releasing that video should go a long way towards repairing their relationship.

There is nothing "silly" about pretzel buns.