Versailles

I can turn that 309 piece tool kit into a 302 piece kit by losing every 9/16 socket and wrench within 5 minutes. Somewhere, in my house, there are 400 9/16 sockets hiding and laughing at me.

Not Father/Daughter, but I went to a wedding of high school friends (a football star and a cheerleader) in the early 80's and their first dance was to the very popular Eagles' song: Lyin Eyes.

Worst skit ever. I didn't laugh once.

She's never found a man as interesting as my career? She's met some boring-ass men!

Icy Hot Stuntaz

It was around 1983 when I was pulled over on my way to Rocky Horror. I was dressed as Frank N. Furter. The cop asked me to exit the vehicle. So I'm standing on the side of the road in a bustier and women's bikini bottoms and fishnet stockings in the middle of the summer and people were slowing down to take a good look…

Traitorous Jack is the worst of all spiced rums.

AND THE MAN ON THE SIDE IS MAKING FUN OF MY ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!!!

I just sing the "States and their Capitals" along with it...

Really? That's your argument? That you could tell that a member of a racist organization is racist? The NYPD's express purpose is NOT to be a worthless dirty sub human sociopath. So there's probably some leeway here.

13. If you are asked to leave, leave. Don't fight the bouncer and don't hang around outside.

My wife and I, when we were young, used to buy cars stupidly. We never had enough to put down and then we'd be upside down and tack the negative equity onto our next car payment. Finally, we ended up trading in a Ford Aerostar (the only vehicle I've ever owned that I actively hated) with a ton of negative equity on a…

Why Does He Capitalize Every Word In Every Sentence?

"I don't wish her bad luck, but I hope she gets hit with a car."

Yo, California Chrome! I heard you like your morning workout with your morning workout, so we put some morning workout in your morning work out so you could work out in the morning.

I don't know. How many kids go to prom? Millions? How many of these "promposals" have we seen/heard about? Maybe a hundred? Doesn't seem like a big problem.

Because it's in Michigan and they used to make cars there.

This is exactly why I walk around the house and office yelling, "Touchdown!"

It is gorgeous. But it is soooo hard. well, hard for me, because I'm average at this game at best.