1972 Ford Pinto. Not that it didn't happen, but it was uncomfortable.

But it is all straight porn without condoms and the female lead has to have a baby if she gets pregnant or they can shoot her.

Holy shit! Is that still considered skiing, or is he just falling gracefully down a cliff?

Oh dear God, this is Pataskala. Without a doubt the most "meh" town in America. Their welcome sign should read: Welcome to Pataskala. Whatever.

Oh, Gosh. I've kind of had my eye on this little place since I was a kid. It's a nice location on the California Central Coast and it's just so darn cozy:

That is going to look bad-ass on his 1992 Honda Civic.

Here's why I'm not an atheist:

Well, I have a few Halo Energy Swords. I was just calling them hedgeclippers.

Why would they gill a giraffe when those stupid Pandas were RIGHT THERE. RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE.

Reminds me of:

He should just poop straight into the vacuum truck and avoid the middle tank.

Okay. This is a terrible story. The kid who posted the instructions is a sociopath and should be locked up.

I felt like that, so I joined/started a cover band. It's an absolute blast. You should do something like that.

My daughter wants to be an Art Therapist. I don't know much about it, but it seems to make sense that art would be used to help people through difficult times.

I think she meant to say "grown-ass humorless and bitter person".

I think everybody puts a little too much importance on Disney Princesses. They are not the only thing that shapes a girl's life.

That ski jump crash is the only reason I watched Wide World of Sports when I was a kid.

I just had to explain to some co-workers that my eyes were watering because I had something in them.

I was a teenager during the Freeway Strangler and Night Stalker murders. That was scary.

Oh, those Asian Gurlz. I love their yellow thighs and sticky rice.