This Dirt Bag is so full of celebrities behaving just like I would. Except richer and more publicly.

(The bonin’ exes and Tweeting inappropriate shit, not so much the sex tape distributing. That’s for my holiday card!)

I’m experimenting with butternut squash because there were a few in the everything-must-go bin at the store. Sauce from a jar will wait ... until tomorrow.

I mean, does she have more resources? Absolutely. Will she starve or be forced to physically prostitute herself for shelter? Probably not.

Can a lot of other really messed up stuff happen in that grey area between basic physical needs and emotional health and maturity? Absolutely - and that’s exactly what you said.

I’m sure it’s fun to be able to afford food snobbery.

For the rest of us, there’s pasta sauce from a fucking jar. (Holla!)

To be fair, it sounds like she’s been practicing for nearly a decade.

Sorry to see you’re getting abuse over this. I happen to know you’re a great person, and have a soft spot for neglect on all ends of the spectrum.

When replying to an eighteen month old thread, it’s considered good manners to read the whole thing and make sure you’ve contributed something new.

I recently watched a marathon of Keeping Up, and Kim was gleefully chortling over an anecdote in which a trainer told Kanye his wife wouldn’t safely be able to lose 20lbs.

I WAS GOING TO SAY: MY LIFE BLOWS PLENTY, BUT I SUSPECT YOU MEAN SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

I THINK YOU AND I WILL GET ALONG SWIMMINGLY. (ASSUMING I DO NOT BLOW AWAY OR DROWN.)

I mean, that and food.

(This sounds saltier than I mean it. But also the food.)

THE MIDWEST IS DECIDEDLY LACKING IN THIS OPTION.

IT’S A BUMMER. BUT WE HAVE TORNADOES. AND FLOODING?

I think you and I must see different corners of Nashville, too, but I want to visit your neighborhood.

I have a sibling that lives in the ritzy area, near where I imagine Reese spends most of her time, and even then ... no.

Reese clearly spends her time in a different area of Nashville than I do.

He doesn’t talk much, but he’s an interesting dude. I hope to have some idea what goes on in his head before he’s shuffled off, but we all know that’s not possible.

We also attended games at Dad’s alma mater, but we did it every home game, rain, snow, or shine.

One year, it was raining so much we couldn’t see the field. There were several players injured in that game, sliding into dangerous pile-ups.

He wasn’t going to be kept away and my mother said he couldn’t possibly let us get…

If they have one about tanks and machine guns, you’re probably on.

We’ve made a game out of who can use the bathroom the fewest number of times on road trips. Grown adults will literally sip a single soda can for entire all-day drives so as to only stop when the car stops. One meal. That’s it. No refills. “Big boys wait until they get home.”

(There are giant glasses at home which we…