Oh, that baby’s smile. How precious.

The other article indicated he also cried at his sentencing.

As this makes me happy, I feel it should be included in this write-up.

I went to a wedding near Mt. Rushmore almost a decade ago. I broke my toe.

I went to a different city in South Dakota for spring break. Because my life is awesome.

It snowed the day I left. The end.

ACTUAL FOOTAGE. HOW DID YOU KNOW.

lookin' good, Kris.

That's ... not how I expected this anecdote to end. Thank you for the warm feelings.

Where was this venom when it was my summer gig? WHERE?!?

It's been nearly a decade. I'm starting to feel clean again.

I once called in to work because my sweater was covered in human excrement. My boss called bullshit.

She was very surprised when I showed up and - lo! - the San Francisco MUNI and its delightful population of crazies had, in fact, throw feces at me that morning.

(She gave me an hour off to go home and change, but made…

"I can't go out - I tore both of my Achilles tendons."
- said by a person who definitely walked to breakfast with me the next morning

I would gladly speak at my alma mater if they were willing to waive the student loans I acquired while attending.

Something tells me I shouldn't hold my breath, but if anyone asks: READY. WITH NOTECARDS.

I think they were still voting on it, at that point ... but now that you mention it, the phrase, "There is more new construction on campus this year than any other year in {name redacted} history," has definitely been bandied about.

I like the distinction. It helps me to quietly remind my colleagues that while they complain about not having enough vacation days or being paid enough to have second children, I spend my weekends working at the mall. So that I can buy groceries and pay rent in the same pay cycle.

Raffey. Different spelling. Different person.

Professor is more of a title than a job description. My title is lecturer. It's not the same.

Sharting is srs bsns.

The guy who was asking for donations and telling everyone about the salary cut had just gotten a six-figure bonus.

Priorities, amirite?

I'd be pretty sad if I wasn't allowed to poop.

I think I'd probably end up doing it anyway, but we all know I have poor self control.

You are clearly unfamiliar with Raffey.