For a long time, my dad was my favorite parent, and the heydey of his life was in the mid-seventies.

It may just be that I'm weird. It may also be that the bean scene is not so disturbing, I was just too young. (I was deeply confused by Rocky Horror, Tommy, and Dog Day Afternoon in junior high. I've rewatched two of…

I feel there's some link to be made to the bean scene in Tommy, but I'm still too uncomfortable with the bean scene to make it.

Do not tempt E.L. James. You've already seen what she does with tampons.

I want to mock it, but I had a LiveJournal and it was probably worse.

I'm not shitting on what he said. What he said is really smart, and very self-aware, and it made me like him a little bit more than I did before.

... but the trappings of his success are just soooo appealing it's hard not to make "gimme claws" at them sometimes.

If I couldn't lift it, I just have it put somewhere prominent so I could lean on the handle in an intimidating fashion. Because you never know.

I didn't get the impression he was being a turdbucket about it. But if he wants to trade with an average-looking, below-median-income, decidedly unsuccessful gal and see if happiness is equally elusive ...

You know, Chris ... success might not bring me happiness, but I'd sure love to try it out just to be sure.

If I can't have that, I will settle for Thor's hammer. For smashing things when I'm frustrated with said lack of success.

I see what you did there, and I like it.

She's on A list. Just not the A-list.

I know that when I'm sick beyond belief, all I want is to be penetrated and capture the moment forever in a photo.

It's too close to the weekend to go on the normal consent rant. As you were.

I am not mocking alcoholism or the recovery process, but after watching a Khloe and Kourtney Take the Hamptons marathon over my winter break, if I had to be "locked up" with more than one of the Kardashian sisters at a time, it would have the opposite of desired effects on my drinking.

Individually, they all seem…

They are still pre-teens! I got sucked into a Dance Moms marathon a week or two back that ended with live interviews with the girls, and their outfits/makeup had me thinking the older ones were sixteenish.

I don't want to be their friend because I'm old and that's creepy, but if Maddie or Kendall want to come by and…

Fascinating.

You can adapt Dark Places to film, instead. I have a vested interest.

Incidentally, "This is gross and awesome," is how I justified my lime-green-is-the-best phase in 1996 and also the zebra-print dress and Doc Martens I wore to prom, and what I think about every time I sing along to Thrift Shop.

Thank you Mackelmore, for bringing my life full circle. (And also for hanging with Oscar,…

If there is access to Craigslist in her house, I'm going to give a bit fat: nope.

I wouldn't kick him out of bed.*

I DO NOT KNOW WHY I MISSED THIS EARLIER, BUT SO YOU KNOW, MY REACTION WAS THIS:

BA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA

Welcome to my afternoon.