I feel shit like this wouldn't happen if police officers were required to have video cameras on them while on duty.

The ducks at my sister's ranch are the boss of every single animal there. The horses, the dogs...whenever the ducks show up it's like "OK EVERYBODY SETTLE DOWN MOVE OUT OF THE WAY WE ARE DUCKS WE ARE HERE TO DO DUCK THINGS THANK YOU."

So I guess I won't be naming my daughter Tubgirl.

Hey, who's up for some kebabs? Oh, wow, nearly everyone? Cool. OK, the catch is they come with a side of being hit with an iron bar. Huh. Suddenly a lot less hands up. Go figure.

NATIONAL REPORT IS SATIRE, GUYS!!

Um, I think the National Report is a fake news page.

He prefers the term "Notorious H.I.T."

The ice cream starts out as a light blue, then gets sprayed with something Linares calls "love elixir"

Assuming that penis = boy is transphobic.

(And not in a "totes adorbs" kind of way: I'm talking real shit)

I think the dumbest thing I've ever heard at a restaurant was some lady asking for french fries with no salt (that's not the dumb part). When she was served her huge mound of fries, she started dumping packets of Sweet-n-Low on them. Her fellow diner asked her why she would do such a thing and the woman said "I like…

Just to clear this up, here's my disclaimer: "I in no way condone: drinking while driving, handling guns while drinking, handling babies while drinking, handling babies while handling guns, handling babies and guns while drinking, keeping babies in shitty diapers, waiting for Mom to change shitty diapers, sharing…

Are these the two men?

I misread the title as MEN ARMED WITH SOILED BABY. For me that would be a deterrent, right there.