“... hit a set of spike strips going 115 MPH, subsequently barreled off of the road and into a drainage ditch, launched the truck into the air and landed on a car parked at a restaurant” 

Deadspin would not be worse off if we had more posts about mid-90s to early 00s WCW and WWF/E.

Is that before or after the teleconference that you put on speakerphone at full volume?

Yep. Then I’m going to kick my shoes off and listen to talk radio at a volume that is just loud enough to be heard, but not understood.

Gonna go back this afternoon and burn a bag of popcorn?

I have a job. Today, I used the office microwave to heat up some leftover fish. Go fuck yourselves.

Washington is pretty bad at keeping players healthy; some of the tales Wizards fans tell to commiserate include Webster, who signed a four year deal and ended up playing about 110 games, Anderson, who was signed to fill the hole left by Paul Pierce’s departure and dressed for just 13 games, and Mahinmi, who hasn’t…

he decided to go for a walk in the woods near his hotel to kill time.

I can’t wait to watch him in the playoffs.

Pandas are overrated anyways. They eat trees and don’t like to fuck.

“We shoulda had more time.”

That is the face of a man who did not see this coming.

This is not the outcome I wanted, but it is the outcome we have reached. That is how democracy works.

The Saints secondary has been doing this for years.

Yup. These are my viewer.

My grandfather died without ever having seen the cubs win the world series. So, my Dad, ever the crazy asshole he is, brought a radio out on the porch so gramps could listen in from heaven. We all thought he was going out there to jack off, but nope he was going out there to be with his Dad, which I thought was sweet.…

A woman out east here who was BORN in Chicago the year the Cubs were last in the Series. I think she wins.

Just before the final out, my 95 year old grampa, veteran of two wars, cancer survivor, and long-suffering cubs fan, pulled me aside and, with a tear forming in his steel grey eyes, said, “The blacks ruined this neighborhood and your sister dresses like a whore.” This was for him.