I can’t help it if I’m the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise.

If you walk in with a rifle already you can get the car for free

To toilet guy at the end. There’s a valve feeding almost every home toilet coming out of the floor or wall that you can turn to shut off the water. Learn how to work your house!

Proposal: a daily Deadspin feature on how whoever starts in right field for the Cardinals played that day relative to Giancarlo Stanton.

Former soldier here. I care, even though I never went to the academy. My father-in-law (former sailor) and I have been blasting each other texts and memes all week as we always do in the run up.

I’m pretty sure it’s just LaVar in a series of ridiculous disguises that don’t work.

These two employees are so silly, if they wanted to say these things and keep their jobs they should have done so while President.

At the very least, you’re starving enough for internet attention that you’re racing to be the first to demonstrate outrage at others’ willingness to make molestation jokes.

I never want to be so starving for internet attention that I race to be the first to condemn molestation jokes.

Go fuck yourself.

Pretty sure Shenanigans is that place with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks.

“I’ll pistol whip the next man to say “shenanigans.”

Gronk only pawn in game of life.

The true hero of the piece is David “No Jeep Left Behind” Tracy who ignored the gunfire to walk out into no man’s land and fix the poor jeep’s broken wheel.

Also, being one of the only 6' black guys around might make you a little easier to identify.

Shit, I’ve seen Locked Up Abroad enough to know not to fuck around in other countries.

You pretty much have to be a kleptomaniac to shoplift in a foreign country where you don’t even speak the language, right? I’ve seen a few other comments that it seems like they aren’t looking at much in the way of punishment, but what are the odds they knew that before they did it? China’s pretty low on my list of…