I’m impressed that Russel Wilson is being this aggressive early since history shows that he’s usually super-late to score.

If they rewind the video far enough they will see when Johnny Manziel snuck the jersey into the museum in the first place.

When she texts you that her parents aren’t home:

Email: FREE DOUGHNUTS IN BREA....

Wife: They’re having a 2-for-1 happy hour special at... 

That’s great, Drew. But who are the Chefs?

How’d you get a picture of Kershaw through Vin Scully’s eyes?

Those pigeons were talkin shit.

They're just pigeons. 

Capital One giving out free coffee and snacks is amateur hour. My dry cleaner gives out free hot dogs on the weekend so I grabbed one, got in my car, took a bite and it immediately shat mustard all over my thighs and shorts.  Now THAT is playing the long game bitches. 

Nearly five months ago, I suffered a severe brain hemorrhage while I was just standing around at a work party. When I collapsed, I fractured my skull.

The thing is, you can regain your swagger playing Chinese basketball, but you lose all your confidence again an hour later.

this grill was literally the only thing my ex-wife and I fought about in the divorce.

this grill was literally the only thing my ex-wife and I fought about in the divorce.

My guess is very bad. Dude more or less told a story you would tell at a funeral. My money is on stroke.
A concussion, it’d probably be a funny story/car wreck and not that huge of a deal to bring up.
He COULD have been in a car wreck and otherwise debilitated, but it doesn’t feel like that.
And his Twitter has been…

+1 “what do YOU mean, ‘you people’”

Best Bachelor party I’ve ever been to was an all-day smoking class that taught us how to smoke an entire pig: ribs, shoulder, sausages, plus chicken and sides. You tended the fire and drank all day, then ate like kings as everything came off the smoker throughout the day before passing out at 8:30 PM thanks to a full…

Lauren,

Maybe tomorrow we’ll find out that the only guy in ZZ Top without a beard is named Frank Beard.