BUT I LIKE GUNS THO SO SHUT UP!

Tell me more about how you only watch Norwegian art house films from the 70s.

I cannot be convinced that removing alcohol from my diet will increase my interest in sex.

I think it sounds like creepy mind control. Also they’re framing a lack of sexual desire as a medical problem that needs to be treated with risk drugs that cause severe side effects.

Here’s a novel idea. Why don’t men take the time to learn about how a woman’s body works, then make an effort to put that into practice? (Watching a steady diet of porn does not count!) Why not ask their partner what she needs from him to get her interested and willing? It’s different for every woman. Sexual response…

This drug is not a good drug. You have to take a pill EVERY DAY for potentially the rest of your life, with not insignificant risk of serious side effects, AND you can’t drink alcohol (like, what, ever again if you stay on it??) - for just one extra sexytime each month?? No. Bad. Not good enough, possibly dangerous,…

I don’t know but now I have that Sarah Mclachlan song stuck in my head gaddamit

WHY ARN’T THEY SHAPED LIKE LIGHTSABERS?!

Now we’ve really got bad blood

Ramp to nowhere, random rusty thing... This is like the Stefan nightclub of driveways.

The wife and I just go to our restaurant of choice. Just us. It is nice.

• Christmas presents not for immediate family members. Why am I wasting my money on stuff for a ton of people and why are they wasting money on me?

Two words:

Too old to read these comments about how everyone is “too old” in their early fucking twenties.

Working.

The dreaded birthday dinner. I’m done with showing up at a fancy-ish place during their busiest shift of the week and waiting for a table for 12 (Or is it 14? Did Beth say she was coming or not? And I’m not sure when Brendan’s flight gets in, I think his phone is off???) only to get split into two tables for 5 and 7…

I’m 34.

I have a child. I’m still 100% committed to my dogs. If they needed to be destroyed because they were psychologically damaged, I would not drop them off at a shelter. I would have the maturity and courage to hold them while they were put to sleep.

Wait- can I add one more?

I have no idea if it was a mix up or if the bakery was just like “fuck it, they won’t notice”. I was the plus one of a friend and only witnessed the subsequent gluten induced pant shitting. Now I'm curious to find out what happened. The bride was pissed and there was much talk about the suits being rentals that the…