Rarely a day passes where I don’t thank the gods that I didn’t have to endure adolescence over social media. As it is I limit myself to Facebook because I know if I had a Twitter account I would say regrettable things that could never be truly deleted.

i believe my username is all i need to express my sentiments about this.

You are my hero. My three years of paper shit has only moved with me once, but yeah.

Are they still killing newborns in front of their mothers and stabbing pregnant women in the gut? That may have been what did me in a few seasons back. (I was nursing an infant. Probably didn’t help).

I can’t wait to not read the insufferably narcissistic book she will write about this.

Bobby always disappoints on the Sister Wives stories. What, Bobby, do you want me to have to go to the newsstand and actually buy the tabloid like a commoner? Because I WANT TO KNOW.

Right? Right? There are only 2 possibilities here - very thirsty straight dude or gay dude needing beard so can play sociopath womanizing spy. My bet’s on the latter.

This was the exact gif that came to mind when I heard this story. Why Hiddles? Whhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Same exact thing happened to a friend of mine. Only in his case, they were off-duty cops. They broke his rib.

Truth. The only white/light pants I’ve ever felt comfortable wearing are my light GAP maternity jeans, because that’s the only time a YM story-event is out of the question.

Wait, is Avalanche software different from Avalanche studios based in NYC and Sweden?

They could have given her Jane Krakowski’s nod. I find her insufferable.

This exact line is what caused me to nope the fuck out of the Southern Baptist Church I was attending at age 12. Not just that the pastor said it, but that my dear sweet little girlfriends believed it and tried to convince me it was God’s way. If that’s God’s way, well, I’m going to go the way of being a feminist…

One time my kid was throwing a tantrum in a parking lot and running laps around the car and I looked up because I recognized a voice and it was Bill Murray watching me fail at parenting. This is a true story and I wanted to melt into the pavement.

I approve this new format. It’s great to just skip past the Kimye stuff, even if it’s half the content.

Credible accusations of voter fraud? Please. It seems you get your news from the same sources that called Al Gore a flip-flopper and swift-boated John Kerry. Take off the tin foil hat for a moment and realize that you are just spouting years of conservative spin by proclaiming Hillary “scum.”

OK. Throw away your vote on a statement, and hand the presidency to a party that doesn’t believe in the science of climate change. That will do wonders for the environment. It’s not like the greenest Democrat ever nominated once lost an election because of protest votes. Oh wait.

You mean voting for Obama? That was not a long-odds vote at all. He had the support of the party, an unbelievably comprehensive ground organization, (which I saw first hand when I registered voters for him in Scranton) and large amounts of money brought in by both small individual contributions and larger liberal…

By all means. That worked so well in 2000. Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it.

Or two jobs, like my mom did when my dad skipped out on his payments. And she always made a home cooked dinner too. Fuck this guy and his sob story.