Oh sweet mercy, these eyes! That scar! The sly, coy looks. The hair! I’m a man, but I’m feeling super pregnant now.

This is good parenting! Just think of all the things I could have accomplished when I was a kid if my lazy ass parents would have done the chewing for me! I could have been learning to play an instrument or something, but no, I had to sit there masticating like some kind of asshole!

Ivanka, is that you?

With all due respect, this weekend is Father’s Day. I’ll be eating food out of my dad’s mouth thankyouverymuch.

Good luck! Where are you going, anyway? Anywhere? Just taking a break?

And here I thought this was going to be an Alicia Silverstone update.

Okay but can we also talk about him getting a mandatory sentence of 19 years for stealing a cell phone? Like in what world is that a proportional punishment?

“It is hard. There’s a level of viciousness that I was not expecting,”

 THIS is how you get off Marine and Air Force One, okay? Just sayin’. Never Forget.

Does Barron’s t-shirt indicate he has been offered a position as advisor?

Ice Cube’s face said it all for me.

YOU RANG???

It’s not even that it’s a large ass, as he is a large man. But it’s a round juicy ass, probably covered in a thin, white downy fuzz and riddled with the kinda moles that can only live on a thick slab of ass that’s been slow-cooked for 40+ years in a tanning bed.

My money’s still on adult diapers.

Oh my god, why would you post that???

Retire, old man, you’re fucking useless. You can cluck your dessicated tongue and wag your bony finger at Trump’s antics all you want, but you don’t actually do a goddamn thing about it.

No. I do not co-sign.

Movies and tv have led me to believe that all chefs are type-A assholes or rodents. It kind of ruins the fantasy.

I’m not ashamed to say I cried a bit (a lot!) I’m a Mancunian so this was close to home for us. (30 minutes away) The arena and OT cricket ground are pretty much local venues. 3 of our friends had taken their kids to her arena concert, all of them went back tonight. Ariana and everyone who performed did us all proud -…