HOW TO DEAL WITH A MAN APPROACHING YOU WHEN YOU’RE WEARING HEADPHONES:

Yeah so if I find your sense of humor laying around I’ll be sure to send it back to you.

what cant be underscored enough with jessie, is that she’s crushing the course, competing against the course and the challenges themselves - not just the other competitors, male or female.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH! Mr. Levy and I watch her on the edge of our seats. Her talent and strength are second to none.

I like his style, here is me winning a gold in Rio.

You can practically read that guy’s mind just from his face

I'm with you. If you're 35 and older while pregnant one of the tests you get can determine gender at 10 weeks. It was great to go almost the whole way through knowing I was having a little boy. Plus, you're getting so many terrifying tests and right away and there is so much scary shit it's awesome to have a first…

I’m crying at the loss of another one of my heroes. Thanks a lot, 2016.

TRYING NOT TO BREED SUPER BUGS THATS WHAT. It’s like immune system boot camp.

This sounds like the worst game of capture the flag/horror movie ever. Also, hiding in an abandoned town in a remote area sounds like a fine way to get your ass axe murdered.

I’m just going to throw in what we had for Valentine’s Day this year.

A pretty good way to get a dude to fuck u is to be like “Yo dude, you wanna fuck or what?”

Here’s the deal, though, if you take the ten best men and the ten best women and have them compete against each other, the men will almost certainly win. However, Castor Semenya will be there racing on behalf of the women, because she’s a woman.

[Conger] “we just blew our savings on hookers and blow. This doesn’t !look good on us.”

there should be an event where terrified, unskilled people try to build up the courage to jump off high boards for 30 minutes and then do a flailing pencil dive and come up coughing and gasping

No, no; Charmin ultra *strong*.

Well, here I sit in my house in New Orleans, which is bone dry because this is not happening in New Orleans. But it has given an opportunity to the few people who agree with you to come out of the woodwork and repeat these tired pronouncements from ten years ago.

Bro, do you even Fran?

Parts of the chicken, ranked: