“Probably cause you’re black.”

Lol but it makes sense, if you were a horny, lonely ghost and you could have your pick of humans, wouldn’t you go for the celebs, too?

wait all I see is the CMT Music Awards photo backdrop

Cool, the guy who works graveyard at the convenience store by my house just got bumped up to full time, so this is quite a week for big time movers and shakers.

Beibs isn’t sad, he’s just sorry.

Here is what I do... keep in mind I am late 30s, single dad who is doing all he can to stay afloat... I have come to realize your real friends wont give a fuck how much money you have... from just a few drinks, to a trip to the Oregon coast... real friends cover your ass. If have had a lot of acquaintances come and…

ARE YOU COMING AT ME WITH MINUTE MAID?!?!? AMATEUR HOUR!!!

Easy knock-you-on-your-ass margarita recipe (the real Summer drink):

My wife gets the Top Ramen.

You should definitely vote on criteria other than your vagina! So here are a few things to consider:

Granted I usually live under a rock and am actively trying to avoid a lot of the election coverage (b/c it’s more a circus than honest journalism), but these alleged “feminists” saying we need to elect Hillary b/c she’s a woman - I could swear this is mostly a strawwoman cooked up by Bernie and the RNC or trolls just…

Note to self: become a hobbyist beekeeper so I can write memoir about the life lessons it taught me titled “Bitch, I might bee”

Goddamn it, this shit pisses me off so much. Hillary has done a LOT of stuff:

Yes, she also brought down the World Trade Center on 9/11.

right.

Her wardrobe is so terrible, she should always be nude.

Remember when you could join a cult without being in peak physical condition?

This seems as good a place as any to dump this: so a few months ago I was reading a beer bottle label, and it said something to the effect of, “British hops, whose tangy, bitter flavor . . . ,” and it struck me for the first time how odd it is to use the word “whose” in something not of the animal kingdom.