I wish that Amazon would keep track of when I search for something then immediately buy it! Thanks for the ad for the thing that was delivered yesterday, Amazon, but no thanks.

Given the fact that William Gibson’s second cyberpunk trilogy was in no small part about LITERALLY GOD DAMN THIS, I believe you just failed Cyberpunk 101, son.

I mean the extreme sides are not stable. Not crazy vegans who threaten people and not crazy carnivores who foam at the mouth because some people eat plants. Vegetarians are about the sanest out of the lot really in so far that they (typically) stay out of these arguments.

Sometimes I learn that things I mistakenly thought were quite cool are actually things I should have been embarrassed by all along. See: musicals, debate team, a capella, piano bars. And then I remember that everyone is wrong and those things are quite cool and that I’m glad I’m a grownup now so I get to decide that.

THEN WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST TWO MINUTES?!?

When we get in the car and we’ve brought everything and everybody has socks on, it’s like a dream come true.

Jesus if this just isn’t the perfect summation of what it’s like to be a parent, I don’t know what is.

WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES GET YOUR SHOES ON

omg the one on the left.

I haven’t seen an Eagle destroy a Cat like that since the 2006 NFC Championship game.

So basically you’re saying Christianity and sobriety ruined your friend’s mom?

Over 15 years ago, I had Beyoncé’s husband.

How do you know when someone is a vegan?

It is now. Thank you, Cher-whisperer.

ok, we all know that the Cher thing was a tweet from the lion’s perspective, right? The lion would make the small mane joke, because lion’s have cool mane’s, and trump’s orange hair....is less cool. Andthe “murder” reference is because Trump’s son “hunts”/kills exotic animals. Like lions. That’s pretty obvious right?

When Beyonce hands you a glass of Lemonade; pour that shit down the drain and acquire limes, tonic and gin.

Even if you can’t tell him what he’s doing wrong, that doesn’t mean you can’t gaslight him and slowly ruin his life.

when did ellis island first open ;)

ALL of us?

Have them watch Plague Dogs afterwards. Then put them on suicide watch.

No, don’t remake it! Trick children into watching the original! Laugh at their broken tears! IT’S HOW THEY LEARN.