When asked for comment Carly giggled. It sounded like twinkling little bells. Suddenly the reporters forgot what they were asking, and inexplicably began to think of their happiest memory of childhood. It felt like something was in there with them, something in their heads. Someone. Then they felt the memory being…

If you listen to this song, 7 days later you will run a corporation into the ground.

me when im stoned and trying to be sassy to disguise the booming sound of me stomping my flat-footed ass through my apartment

As Kitty’s owner I apologize! I explained above, but I mostly wanted to get her into Double Creature and Rihanna was the cutest celeb that I could think of when I sent it in!

You’re right, that walk is NOT good. It’s like she’s had one too many drinks at the beach and is hoping to make it to the can in time.

It’s actually about ethics in sixth grade track sports reporting.

So this is how I imagine the two most despised people in government and business are going to run for the WH:

Joanne the tiger, known for her acute hunting skills, feisty bridge parties, and two martini lunches with the girls.

Yeah, these are Sumatran tigers, should have gone for something a bit more Sumatran sounding, maybe. But, hey....we should consider ourselves lucky they didn’t name one of them Becky.

“I now declare this regal and magnificent tiger shall henceforth be known as.....Joanne.”

other cards Hillary has or had:

that the government and/or the medical establishment are attacking the family for their beliefs.

One does not cancel the other out. Now instead of just smelling like smoke you smell like smoke and mediocre perfume. If you are the kind of smoker that only smokes outside you probably only need to vigorously wash your hands after a smoke anyway. If you smoke in your car and home you’re going to bother the people…

^^ what you just described? THAT makes one a perfume drencher.

every word on urban dictionary is slang for blow jobs.

Since you’ve seen THAT movie- you should definitely watch Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. It’s fucking hilarious- way better than it has any right to be and might even do a better play on the “creepy hillbillies hunt kids in the woods” than Cabin in the Woods.

After the event, the headline reads:

The Bella Sisters are famous. The Fabulous Moolah is a legend.

I’d disagree about the Fabulous Moolah. She was pretty much the go to female wrestler of the 1980's.