That’s why I make sure I’m awake by 11:00 AM. It’s really that 30 minutes of peace and quiet that makes being a morning person so rewarding.

It if was snow there wouldn’t be dainty little hand prints. It’d be one arm shaped hole and then a face mark above it from losing balance and face planting.

You know what they say, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.

Bush: My mom said I can’t go play in the snow because I always track it through the house when I come home. *Sits in window, wistfully watches other kids playing outside.”

Ted Cruz: Duck Hunt is, at least, phonetically accurate.

Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani have asked Blac Chyna to be the egg donor.

I do hope someone, somewhere, pointed out to Dax Shepard that we’re not really in the year 16.

I would have an opinion on the tampon, but I don’t really care what the box or packaging looks like. Just stop making scented ones, tampon companies. FFS.

I love you because I am you. I am not above acting like a complete idiot to get my way. I was a window seat on a flight once and the dude in the middle seat kept manspreading into my zone, with his large hands perched atop his knees. As soon as the seatbelt light went off, I dropped my tray. When it stopped 75% of the…

God bless you, sofar. I’m a tiny too and I’ve gotten really defensive of my space on public transportation. Just because I don’t take up the width of the subway seat doesn’t mean you get to take my space. I’ve started manspreading when men are present on the train. If a woman sits next to me, I’ll close my legs and…

Some people can’t help invading your space due to size, and that’s just the risk you take when you fly.

I was once in the window seat of a row of three. There was a gentleman in the aisle seat. As the boarding process ended, it became clear that the middle seat was to remain blissfully empty and I felt immediate relief, until the gentleman picked himself up, scooted over, and started to lower his ass into the vacant…

Highly recommend Discworld. Terry Pratchett is somewhat responsible for making me a humanist, or at the very least teaching me valuable lessons.

“The cover is also designed to present a more intimate experience for the reader. ‘The idea was to look at me from a boyfriend’s perspective,’ Sarah says.”

YOKO,
voracious reader =//= “goat who eats paper”
voracious reader = BOOKWORM.
DUHs

Seriously - how often do you see the cops in L&O say all kinds of things to criminals to get them to confess, and when they get the signed confession they are all like “Ha! I am totally NOT going to help you at all like I just said and you are so busted.” GIven that Cosby was also advised by a lawyer the whole time he…

I’m like, people, you had four tries to come up with a decent name.

fuck rand

A $30 bookmark? No thanks. I’d rather buy groceries and more books and use a strip of junk mail envelope as a bookmark.

I go one step further: why deal with the possibility that you’ll be cut up by a broken wine bottle?