“We’ll start with a broad list ...”

“Lindsay Lohan is open to _______ for attention.”

I know a lot of people root for Lindsay, but I don’t, and this kind of shit is most of the reason why. I know she’s got mega issues, and for that she has my sympathy, but she seems to have this need to be perceived as deep, artistic and intellectual but never actually does the legwork. That quality in people really…

Does she know they usually don’t consume alcohol?

Don’t call it a comeback!

Uh no. My boobs would just flop through the open space on the bottom. No one who needs to wear a bra can wear this.

The point of a bra is to hold ‘em up. This does not do that. At. All.

Uhh that would not...look like that on me.

Doesn’t matter if you would or would not. Most should not.

Yes! Because I love to make my boyfriend laugh so hard he falls off the kitchen stool. Then, as he is lying there on the floor, bleeding from a gash in his forehead, I enjoy watching him point at me as he barely manages to gasp “What the fuck is that?”

I always thought that was what the second cup of coffee was for.

I got rid of Facebook too. It was making me dislike my friends, family, and highschool acquaintances. I graduated 16 years ago, but I want to remember them as nice people.

Shit like that is why I got rid of FB. I’m on a sanity watchers plan, and I only have so many points per day!

An article popped up on my FB feed yesterday about how essential oils can replace antibiotics. WTF? No. Just no!

I make kale/spinach/fruit smoothies all the time but it’s because I like smoothies. I definitely don’t drink them for nutritional reasons.

I paid precious money for these toxins, thankuverymuch.

Sorry, folks. You want to help your kidneys eliminate “toxins”: drink water and stay healthy to avoid type 2 diabetes. You want to help your liver eliminate “toxins”: don’t get fatty liver disease and don’t drink too much. That’s it. There is no miracle solution, just the same boring healthy-diet-and-moderate-exercise…

I simply say “I’m glad that it works for you”.

One juice proponent Dr. Woodson Merrell argued that juice is good because Americans need to eat more vegetables and fruits: “The whole thing about juice is it makes that easier to get.”

Americans need more fruits and vegetables but does juice really fulfill the need? Aside from some “antioxidants and vitamins”, it’s basically sugar water. Just eat the apple.