My husband always wants to go as the Ghostbusters dressed as construction workers from Ghostbusters 2. Not construction workers; specifically the Ghostbusters DRESSED AS construction workers.

Love.

I wish I could dress up! What should I be? Maybe Garfield as a Pirate?

I hate it when the alien says, let's go to my place.

I don't understand 'sex toddlers'. Can anyone explain what that means? Sex with toddlers? Fucking eww. Or inexperienced? Which is a weird way to say 'virgin'? Are THEY virgins and begging? I am so confused and turned off.

Obligatory:

I wouldn’t mind sex banners if there wasn’t so much daddy-daughter stuff. If they were just like “we like sex woohoo we are drunk heyyo!” that’d be no big, but the ones that suggest they don’t care about consent, or that they want to kidnap a bunch of freshmen girls, are creepy as fuck.

This is probably the first time that overdosing in a brothel saved a marriage.

Lunchcoma, you are a better person than I. I thought two things.

“I have a God complex, but was too lazy too take the typical medical school route. So instead I inflict it on unsuspecting wait staff making $2.13/hr.”

Y/N:

“We are not bashing the [transgender teen]; how [she] chooses to live [her] life is not our issue. But the teen is registered at the school as a male. So why was the teacher allowed to let this person compete with other females?”

Just curious, are you a student or a teacher?

The weirdest thing about this story is the “concerned parent” is named Marie “Murf” Antionette. That means this woman’s parents thought it was a good idea to give their kid the name of a queen that was overthrown and beheaded in a bloody revolution. Even weirder, apparently, Marie was not satisfied with that name and…

I wish you could have just said something like, “The students tend to vote for the nice kids.” Although if this mother is terrible enough to demand to see the votes, then there’s a reason her kid’s an asshole.

I always end up overseeing the voting for both homecomings during the year. I don’t know how I lucked out. But I almost don’t have to count votes because the seniors decide before hand who is going to win and spread the word. I would be mad, but they actually just pick the nice kids. Literally that is their…

Don’t forget Brendan Fraser’s cameo as the Vietnam vet.

Doesn’t this op-ed basically go against your policy of no poop/vomit stories? Because Cohen’s pretentious “Occasionally I like to punish” word salad was basically poop and vomit.

He could have condensed his entire column down to “I like to play God.”

“He has an incentive to give me exceptional service, not some mediocre minimum”