Did we just become best friends? Haha I was at a party the other night and in between gin & tonics I spent a significant amount of time hiding in the bathroom making sure my lipstick looked perfect. I am a delight.

Yeah, that really bothered me. My grandfather just passed away suddenly a few months ago. I was there when it happened. My Oma was — and still is — absolutely fucking heartbroken and bereft. He was her partner and her best friend for sixty two years. They still went on month-long vacations together every year.

Nah yours wins because it has a cat rump lounging near it.

I almost exclusively post photos of my cats and whatever booze I am drinking and very occasionally outfits if I have actually gotten my shit together enough to look like an attractive human woman and/or a Muppet who just escaped from the tickle trunk.

Chevron is the print that we deserve, but not the one we need right now.

Same.

I love buying flowers, but my three cats love to eat and/or knock them over and scatter them all over the house more. We just sold our house and I left the same two bunches of fake flowers on the dining table the whole time. Saved money and didn't have to spot clean my table runner every three days. #fancypants

PS. Lisa Frank is my shiiiit and I just bought a two foot tall neon yellow my little pony and am holding it as I drink my giant glass of wine.

We had our wedding photos done at this hundred year old Victorian mansion and I was wearing a 1920s style gown & veil and husband was wearing his red serge which looks like a costume for a prince. So I pretty much felt like I was in a Disney movie slash Downton Abbey the whole time. It was wonderful. There are also…

Yeah, those people are bad people and they should feel bad.

I injure myself so often that I have to buy fun bandaids constantly. Right now it's Star Wars and Muppets. Last month I had a run-in with one of our cats and had like eight Star Wars bandages on. It was wonderful.

I love Inspector Bossyboots. He is very handsome. We have three cats and too many nicknames to keep track of. My favourites are “Nibbles and Peter” which is what husband’s dad thought Coco and Yves were actually named. (Yves gets very upset and confused when I call him Peter.)

An old friend & I had a long-running joke plan that involved throwing a beach party in my apartment in the middle of winter — crank the heat right up, wear bikinis, etc. — and then order pizza and when the delivery man arrived, throw the door open and say “HOW BOUT THIS HEAT!!????”

Speaking of scars. When husband & I first moved into our house we had a bonfire one night and of course, because there were a bunch of boys around, there was a gas can. Somehow the container started on fire and he thought it would be a good idea to try and STOMP the fire out. He ended up splashing his leg with gas…

Yes the colour looks really natural but like...glamorous. You DID find a goddess!

Been there. Dude was soooo into me and then after a few weeks just started acting like an ass, I confronted him about it and he said “Sorry, I don’t really see this going anywhere” after he had been pursuing me for months. I was dumbfounded and confused and doubting everything about myself, what was so wrong with me…

OMG. I am officially dead of jealousy.

I’m prettttty sophisticated. Yes I was 22 so thankfully young enough that I can chalk it up to the idiocy of youth. I literally fell face first down an entire flight of stairs and was too drunk to make any effort to protect myself. One of my incisors broke in half. I’m actually super lucky I didn’t fuck up my face.

I’ve lost two phones (my beloved hot pink Motorola Razr and a Blackberry), an entire wristlet with all my cards in it (which my friend’s dad found under his couch like six months later after I had replaced everything), a single Adidas sneaker, and a tooth.

I want to see a photo of your very very blonde hair!!