“It’s that thing, where you cover a midget in ground beef, then they dance under the hot lights until it cooks.”

The “drop ID in the mail” thing is technically true, in that the post office treats the ID as non-mail found in the mailbox and makes an effort to return it to the owner. At the library we regularly get packages of library books that someone dropped in a mailbox, and with only the library stamps as a guide, they’ll…

A lot of us at Starbucks would use decaf or different percentages of milk as that. Is it weaksauce? Yes. But sometimes it was the only thing we had.

I get my sister’s hand me downs too.

As the star child of a millionaire, [who is, herself, a millionaire dozens—if not hundreds—of times over,] she can say and do what she wants with no consequences.

You know who else’s entire trip consists of “Here are my feelings?” Infants. Also, describing Kanye as “a little self-indulgent and self-aggrandizing” might be a candidate for understatement of the year.

Right? It feels a bit like “Hey there’s this dude who is dying and he mentioned my shoes! Score!”

If you wanted a better profit margin you should have had a cheaper wedding.

To be serious for a moment, I regret that I agree.

I think the first year of marriage is very stressful, even if you lived together before getting married, because all of a sudden you start thinking “what if it’s always like this?!” For instance, shortly after we married I realized that my husband never, ever, empties the small household wastebaskets into the big…

It may be that you’re busier than him right now, but you also seem to have better coping skills. He doesn’t seem to be coping well right now—hectic work schedule leaves him putting off gifts, not buying you a cake, etc. Not that that excuses his behavior, but in my experience guys tend to get tunnel vision when…

AHGGGG you guys, we have some very nice lab visitors staying this week who are also driving me crazy because they refuse to give me any opinions about what they want to eat, drink, or do. Drive downtown or walk a few blocks away? “Whatever you want.” What kind of food? ‘Whatever you want.” Fancy wine bar or gritty…

I tried painting my nails during a flight once too, but I was only 8, traveling as an unaccompanied minor. I too got my polish confiscated.

I tell mine that it’s the discrepancy between how he behaved when we were young and fresh in love that’s bothering me, more than any one thing he is or isn’t doing. I ask him to take my emotions seriously, even if he doesn’t totally perceive the changes I’m talking about, and just try to up the ol’ manifestations of…

I grew up in a household where I was only allowed to paint my nails on the deck or the porch, so I share your astonishment. I guess these days I tend to do it in my living room, but I live alone and am not offended if my cats leave the room when I’m doing it. It smells. It’s also messy. I wouldn’t think to do it on…

It has already been revealed that this was not LiLo, but the actress who played her sister In The Parent Trap.

From what I read, her “DJ’ing” consisted of playing Brandy’s “The Boy Is Mine” 10 times. In a row.

I often feel that these are the people that should not procreate, because how is our species going to survive if you can’t eat a peanut?

I know I’m being harsh.

In the end, I wonder if maybe it’s the other way around, maybe by eliminating peanuts from our diets, humans will evolve into all powerful beings who extract…