Pardon me, Samer, but you draw an exquisite ass. If you don’t mind, I have a few requests. Direct message me and we’ll discuss particulars; I pay handsomely for finely-drawn asses.

Who gives a fuck.

Counterpoint: Football isn’t as complicated as insiders would like you to believe, and much of the sport’s language is deliberately obfuscatory so as to feed into this myth as well as the general air of paranoia and gated entry more befitting spy-work than a game successfully coached by a series of mouth-breathers…

Has there ever been a movie title that described the attitude or new collective status of its audience after seeing it better than Suicide Squad?

Good one.

Atop Mt. Take, preferably.

Agreed, and just from a purely aesthetic standpoint, football is the only one diminished significantly in person. Hockey benefits substantially from the force of the audience (which is unparalleled) and you better appreciate the speed of the game as well as its watch-like choreography (every piece moving relative to…

For a moment I thought John Rocker had actually written this comment, but then I realized you hadn’t said anything virulently racist.

That’s an interesting one because each sport is so seat-dependent. For example (and these are, obviously, subjective rankings), hockey is a 7 on tv, an 8-9 in many parts of the arena, and a 10 with above-average or better seats. Basketball is an 8 on tv, 5 in bad seats, 7 in good seats, 9 in great ones. Baseball is a…

Shit, people. This isn’t even good trolling.

Yeah, what’s your point?

“Three charmless weiners try to earn their father’s love this week on: the hatchelor. Emerging fully-formed at just over four feet tall from eggs incubated under their father’s hairless undercarriage in his well-worn fart-sniffing chambers, three radioactively overgrown naked mole rats with merkins atop their heads…

Yeah, I understand. I just think I need to intervene as the lone voice of reason. How many more Fat Man’s and Little Boy’s must we drop, even hypothetically, on the balls of our greatest sportsmen? Are not the balls of our heroes already metaphorically and actually pulverized, obliterated, and atomized into a fine…

Well that’s reductive. And I’m not just talking about all the diminished gonads in play.

No.

Except Cox isn’t a mediocre player. He was one of the league’s best 3-4 DE’s, although it remains to be seen how he’ll fare in a return to DT in the 4-3.

Holy shit, this is a dumb take.

I’m not sure if this would still be the answer because I haven’t lived in STL in years and the Rams have since moved, but I would burn the tapes the Pats had of Rams practices, thereby allowing the Rams to win the 2001 Super Bowl and possibly altering the course of history by stunting the decade of Boston triumphs…

I mean it’s Warren Buffet and Dan Gilbert, but yeah the guy with the pinky ring looks like a robot alien in a skin suit of what it perceived to be a refined older gentleman. It really gets less human as you move from left to right.

Just fucking brush your cat.