I love how awkwardly and uncertainly he laughed after she said, “geez, you’re gonna live a long time,” because the words hit him before that tone of voice, which makes that statement more ominous than anything else.

I wish my dad could have met Krisperrr. Dad jokes aside (yes, I heard him ask about taming wild rice), he had an excellent sense of humor, and he liked being surprised by the other person being witty and especially quick on the draw. (For better or worse.) He would have been switching his joke to “How do you tame wild…

Jesus God what a nightmare! My personal Bad Place would be that exact scenario - married, to him (*voluble vomiting*), simultaneously being abused by him and being made complicit in his abuse of others through my own oppressive fear. Just thinking about it is giving me a stomachache! Run, Hailey!

Pointing, mockery, and/or laughing are legitimate defensive tactics. A guy on the subway once kept ‘hitting on’ me. I ignored him the first two lines, but when he persisted with, “You should really give me a chance,” I said, “Why, because my life doesn’t already have enough unsurprising disappointment?!” I anticipated…

You made me cry of laughter, congratulations.

Two words: Krav. Maga.

Are we the same person? I’m also not-thin in a family of tall, slender, beautiful women, but for me it was a single gas-station-esque m&m brownie. Also I hate brownies.

I hope you faked nothing and told them to f*** the f*** off. Because they deserve it.

He didn’t eat it BECAUSE HE HAS A THREE SECOND RULE? Not because there could be *literally anything* in the potatoes???

I’m from a small town in rural Wyoming, so the houses there are super spread out for the most part and trick-or-treating would either take exhausting, unsafe ages or your folks have to drive you. But there is one newish, ‘real’ neighborhood with about a hundred and fifty houses close together along a single looping,…

Turn the shame into action or else it’s counterproductive, weighing you down. People who feel ashamed for doing bad things can let that go when they do better. The people who really need to feel shame are the ones who can’t, won’t, or don’t. Unfortunately.

MONSTER

I respect you for your reply. I also respect that you were a petty thief but still mailed him his ID! And spread the windfall!

Spit works great on blood because enzymes. Follow with a cold Oxyclean soak for two days. Presto-kazamo.

Same, the older the trick-or-treater, the happier I am. Except babies are the cutest and drunken frat boys can f**k right the f**k off. A 97yo would be boss.

I always go to stuff I get invited to because food, and I like to see inside other’s houses. Why? I’m just weird like that.

Who doesn’t want to get married in a glorified animal prison?

What fucking advice1 It’s both terrifying AND horrifying! And so, so, so wrong!

Now I’m wondering wtaf she did to those goats. I have owned many a goat, many a variety of goat even, and never has I known them to be that obnoxious and stupid en masse. Sure, you get an oddball idiot pain-in-the-ass goat, but on the whole they’re usually smart little things - if anything, mine have given me trouble…

Maybe he was sweeping them up and depositing them there.