It has taken years, but the miracles of modern medicine have finally healed the serious injuries that Cruise suffered on the stunt he did on Oprah’s couch.

Yeah, Depp has become the kinda creepy uncle that you can’t quite cut out of the family because he helps pay for stuff, while Cruise has become the kinda crazy uncle that has some weird ideas, sure, but is just so much darn fun at the holidays.

I’m not. People often don’t look backwards, especially at stuff from before they were born. Recent conversation I had was with someone who didn’t know the Equalizer was once a TV show (came up because they were watching the sequel), which I think is fair enough as he wasn’t even born when it was on.

Curt Schilling even more so.

Meanwhile President Fuckup backed out of the 100th anniversary memorial of World War I today because, and I am not making this up, it was raining and he didn’t want to get his hair wet.

Babe Ruth? I’d have thought Trump would be more of a Ty Cobb type.

Every year somebody cares. I suppose the question you’re asking is when’s the last time you cared about a film that won an Oscar. 

Movies that get nominated for Oscars =/= “Oscar bait.”

But that’s not really how the tentpole system works any more. What prestige picture did Disney use Infinity War profits to fund?

So help me God,  I'm rooting for a fire now? Fuck it. Go Fire! 

“The Planet will be fine....

I once knew this guy that point-blank refused to eat Green Eggs and Ham for years. Turns out that motherfucker had been wasting his entire life, cos that shit’s delicious. Learn from his mistakes Ice-T, eat a fucking bagel.

You’ll be dead before next week?

The fires in the south are apocalyptic. Best of luck to the folks in Ventura and LA counties.

The Wu Tang Clan was on GMA this morning. How the fuck did we get here?

Reminds me of that line from Johnny Cash’s version of “Rock Island Line”:

I fucking love Ice-T. My daughter thinks he’s the best. She wants to be a cop because “he’s so tough and cool”.

In his defense, a cinnamon raisin bagel isn’t really a bagel.

No hog, that’s for sure!

i like cinnamon raisin bagels because anytime i’m chowing down on the worlds most delicious spice and perfect bread, i like to have a few of Tutankhamen’s testicles scattered about.