Staying alive is 90% mental. The other half is your heart’s continued ability to deliver oxygen (via blood) to your brain.

Who needs the playoffs‽

This is going to make for an extra confusing week in Indy when Jim Irsay keeps asking his players if they’re holding.

Ragnar will regret switching agents from Steve The Pragmatic to Boras The Untrustworthy.

Maybe if Bennett would focus on the game and not duetting with Lady Gaga, he’d be able to live up the hype.

I’d overdub the loudest WOMP, WOMP to that, just for effect.

Weirdly, those crazies who advocate for Wins Produced predicted him to be one of the worst “draft targets” as identified by pundits and other MSM cronies. So yeah, lots of Basketball Joe Morgans said he was a lottery pick, but really, he’s one of the worst #1 picks of all-time because neither NBA franchises (minus a…

Chad Ford also had Bennett ranked 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 & 10.

The important thing is that Fiscally Conservative Regular Guy’s Hero Scott Walker signed a bill throwing $250 million at the Bucks and they can still leave Milwaukee.

The real issue is that he’d have to walk halfway into the lake before he could walk into the lake. But before walking halfway into the lake he’d have to walk halfway to halfway into the lake. And before he could do that he’d have to walk halfway into halfway into halfway into the lake. And so on. So as you can see,…

Obviously you don’t know where Tantalus the lake of ever receding shores is located in upstate Sconsin. Fuck dude take a geometry class.

I can’t WAIT for your take when Trump gets buried in the primaries.

Scott Walker went to college once, too. He was so good at college, he almost even graduated!

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s love reminds me of That ‘70s Show.

You should issue an apology for that shit comment.

Lake Michigan has enough problems with pollution and invasive species, it doesn’t need Scott Walker mucking it up any further.

Cranky Albert is my favorite Albert.

If you’re never coming back, how can Albert suck your dick? It's not like he’s leaving Gawker for IJReview or WesternJournalism.

This should be the inaugural post of the new Gawker sub-blog, Inadequate Man.

They’re all pro-life, so that makes them ALL terrible. But as far as who would be the least destructive forces: