$6 for a side of butter lettuce. FFSS.

Just a little bit west, I was thinking of the Eastfield Mall in Springfield. I used to work there and it was dead even back then.

I’m certainly no pro, but I promise, it’s much more fun from behind the wheel.

My best friend from college’s family celebrates the traditional Italian Feast of the Seven Fishes every Christmas, and I used to desperately want to spend the holiday at his house, for that reason.

Have you tried to find a nice, comfortable summer dress that doesn’t have these stupid fucking sleeves? GOOD LUCK.

I’m not sure about KVD, but my BFF used to date an employee at West Coast Choppers and she said that there was a constant stream of women coming and going out of office (closed door, of course).

If occasionally snickering at her hair makes me feel a tiny bit better about the fact that I have to look at her all the time, so be it.

Making fun of her face and body is uncalled-for, but that fried hair is a choice much like her clothes, and thus totally fair game.

I have to be up by 4:30, and I agree. There is no bedtime that will make that natural, and who can afford to take the chance anyway? Only a freelance writer working from home, of course.

I don’t know anything about Pokemon at all, really. I never watched it. I just meant, people who play PoGo knew another generation was coming and had plenty of time to prepare for it, so they’re not “weirdos” for getting “high level characters in a single day.”

I’ve been walking a crappy Chansey for ages to save up candies for when I got a good Chansey. I mean, we knew this was coming.

I snagged a 96 IV Chansey during the Valentine’s event and now I have a 2985 CP Blissey. Good times.

Especially if, under pressure, you might not remember the address of the house you’re temporarily staying in.

Ooof. At least I only have to play “gunshots or fireworks” in the summer. Both tend to quiet down after Labor Day.

Hey, as long as no one fucks with the Polar Seltzer factory...

If I was in a strange house and there was a landline, I’d probably also choose that over my cell for an emergency call, for what it’s worth. I still don’t totally trust cell phones to route 911 calls correctly.

Old Audis are like children, more fun when they’re someone else’s.

When I was living in Vermont, oh, 12 years ago or so, my winter beater was an ‘87 4000 CS quattro. Thing was a beast. One of the previous owners had installed a gigantic cam, so it idled at, like, 1000 rpm, and it burbled right t through the stainless exhaust. Boys tried to race me all the time because it had a shiny…

Send this to The Root’s tip line, then...? This is too good a story to let go.

That’s my hometown. I recognize that corner. I am dying laughing at this.