Especially if, under pressure, you might not remember the address of the house you’re temporarily staying in.

Ooof. At least I only have to play “gunshots or fireworks” in the summer. Both tend to quiet down after Labor Day.

Hey, as long as no one fucks with the Polar Seltzer factory...

If I was in a strange house and there was a landline, I’d probably also choose that over my cell for an emergency call, for what it’s worth. I still don’t totally trust cell phones to route 911 calls correctly.

Old Audis are like children, more fun when they’re someone else’s.

When I was living in Vermont, oh, 12 years ago or so, my winter beater was an ‘87 4000 CS quattro. Thing was a beast. One of the previous owners had installed a gigantic cam, so it idled at, like, 1000 rpm, and it burbled right t through the stainless exhaust. Boys tried to race me all the time because it had a shiny…

Send this to The Root’s tip line, then...? This is too good a story to let go.

That’s my hometown. I recognize that corner. I am dying laughing at this.

Or Celtics. Go Celtics.

Right? It doesn’t matter at all that the man Stewart cheated with was also cheating.

My heart is just breaking for you.

Don’t people sometimes hide drugs and/or money in artwork?

JFC that’s terrible. I’m so sorry.

I know; I live like three miles from UIC. I was embellishing somewhat.

and she’s studied abroad in six different countries.

Last time Trump “did something about Chicago” he could barely handle a bunch of white UIC students yelling at him.

I used to love Rondo so much, but man, he needs to grow up. And on a related note, I am SO EXCITED to see my Celts play the Bulls at the United Center next month.

Ah, the sweet innocence of someone who has apparently never visited VWvortex...

It’s only the beginning. :/

(Don’t most of Chicago’s gun problems stem from Indiana?)