So at the school where I teach kids bring giant bags of Takis/Hot Cheetos to school & are allowed to buy multiple bags of chips (reduced fat/baked, but still) from the lunchroom. Some kind of happy medium is in order here.

Nope. Peak Texas would have been, "Man Rides Horse to Whataburger."

A) I have that quilt that Maymo is under (from Target) and B) my beagle mix is also obsessed with being under the covers. I've heard from other beagle owners that theirs do the same. Beagles know from comfort.

CLOSED THE LAPTOP ON HIS PENIS

He read the audiobook version of Unbroken, and it was fantastic. Just a wonderful voice.

At the height of Dynasty's popularity, I met Emma Samms at a signing she was doing (for...something? I loved Dynasty and begged my dad to take me). I was a very awkward-looking 9-year-old and got teased a bit for my nerdy look and tastes. She kind of gasped when I approached the table told me I looked just like her…

Dolly is a national treasure.

In a marriage (not just dating) I'd consider this a huge red flag. My now ex-husband constantly trolled online sites. And hooked up with people in real life. If you're dating and not married, I think there are totally a lot of gray areas with continuing to use online sites. But once you're married, generally, unless…

Plus Bukowski.

Seconded on the toddler eating habits thing. There is a guy that I'm interested in, but I can't get around the fact that he doesn't eat certain foods. He doesn't eat vegetables at all, and is incredibly picky with food. I like nice restaurants and varied cuisines, and this is a thing I like to share with my partner.…

I told a story about some weird night that I'd had to a guy I was dating — you know, one of those nights where a hundred weird things happen, culminating in a celebrity run-in/passed out at party/near-miss with the police (I don't remember the story now) — and he told it back to me about a month later nearly…

Dude stole the title of my autobiography.

Ugh that is the worst. Too bad it wasn't an ugly baby.

The reason why I never leave the house looking like garbage, not even for a quick errand: running into an ex with a do-rag on my head, no bra and my sleep shirt and crappy shorts, just to pop into the little store for cigarettes. I hadn't even brushed my teeth. This was nearly 20 years ago and I still have the inward…

So, what was up with the key in the stomach?

What was the name of the magazine Mellie was reading? All I saw was the end of the title: "NK." I'm hoping it was either "Crunk" or "Drunk". #TeamSmellyMellie

That's exactly what I thought. Sisters that she hates popping up all over the place.

WILL WE FINALLY GET TO SEE HER WITH HER HAIR DOWN THO

So Paula Patton and I have something in common. We both filed "irreconcilable differences" despite knowing that our husbands were cheating pieces of garbage because it's easier and less embarrassing than dragging it all out in court. At least, it was for me. Get it, girl.

Sorry, Nick: Wino Forever is still the greatest breakup tattoo re-imagining of all time.