I'm pretty happy with my appearance, but if a magic genie came with wishes tomorrow I'd wish for Hannah Simone's hair. That's like my dream hair (and it can never be).

On Portia de Rossi? Never! I just hope they give her more to do than swan into Cyrus's office.

And yet I still prefer Huck over Quinn. I am messed up.

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I pulled someone's teeth out "because they couldn't mind their own business..."

Power bitch pompadour.

The more Mellie waves that chicken leg around, the more I think, "mmm, fried chicken."

"It's 1976 down there." #TeamMellie

My mom has a kind of dementia related to schizophrenia, has little short-term memory, and sometimes little sense of what most of us would consider "normal" personal modesty. She lives in assisted living (for which I am very grateful), and one day I came to visit her for lunch and a shopping outing for personal…