There I was, behind center for the Buffalo Bills. What madness led to this I had no time to ponder. As the supple leather of the ball slid into my hand, I took one step back, then two, then three. As I surveyed the field for potential recipients, I saw an outside linebacker charging like an angry rhino directly at my…

Am I the only guy who thinks of this guy when they talk about Peterman at QB?

My goodness I wish Zodiac Motherfucker would send in emails to Drew for this annual laughfest. Honestly reading ZM was the high point of the Lions’ season!

Also, Morgan the time traveler:

It gives me no pride to say that we are the Bills fans of the south. Even London doesn’t like us. Imagine a culture that enslaved most of the known world, eats cold beans for breakfast, and can’t even properly execute its own political and economic suicide pact thinking that they are too good for your 90s…

As a Dolphins fan, this checks out.

Sometimes I read these and think “Wow, Magary’s really funny. He made all these jokes and exaggerations about the Ravens/Bears/Seahawks/Whoever. He’s so clever, that Drew. Ha ha ha ... so, so funny. Deadspin is really lucky to have him. Guffaw”

Hey now, Jay Fiedler won playoff games

Mario is a bad plumber because he finds thousands of gold coins in your pipes and just keeps them. Then again, he’s also fighting dangerous monsters and such in there without that really being a part of a plumber’s job, so I think it’s an ok trade.

You know how the Dolphins drafted Ryan Tannehill and then spent seven years chronically deluded that THIS would be his breakout year?

a lot of these guys at the top are morons, who couldn’t spell realpolitick

There was talk of Fitz going to the MN Vikings (like there is every year) so that he can play for the team he grew up cheering for.  It obviously never happened probably because going to the Vikings would be like trading a ‘96 Ford Taurus for a ‘96 Chevy Lumina.  Either way, you are going to hate yourself.

CTRL-F “frisbee dogs”

That Mychal-Jaxson dunk was quite the thriller.

Jaxson Hayes humiliated Mychal Mulder in what I like to call “The Battle of Two Guys Whose First Names I Definitely Would’ve Spelled Wrong if I Hadn’t Seen Them in Print First.”

Call him Scully because he just fucked Mulder

You forgot the NBA champion Raptors.

she does know most of the good to great Browns players in the last two decades, which is impressive.

There are few better qualities in a job than the understanding that you are there to work and people have lives to live as soon as work is over.