oh god what if the kid got away with like

How can you hate on delivery drivers? They bring HOT DELICIOUS FOOD TO YOUR DOOR you lazy fuck.

Pizza guy.

First and most importantly, as a former pizza delivery person fuck those cheap entitled assholes.

That's assault and I would call the police for sure.

Unfuckinbelievable that, in the year 2015 women have to become pirates to decide what to do with their bodies.

She's not the child/children of a president. She's a grown women and extremely educated. She chose to inject herself into celeb culture by dating and marrying one of the most exposed celebrities in the world.

Touche.

ACK!

The eyes. I can tell that the dog is totally fantasizing about other dude dogs.

And they say women couldn't stand the heat of battle. SHE, ladies and gents, is who I want to be in a foxhole with.

I love these.

I don't even think it's that great! I'd much rather have shrimp cocktail than a rubbery, tasteless mass drenched in melted butter.

This is the most accurate comic I have ever seen.

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."

In her spare time, the chef from David's story enjoys Russian Roulette, eating glass, and arm-wrestling silverback gorillas during their mating season.

Are they sure the girls didn't cover all surfaces with hand santitiser, and they didn't find evidence because it HAD EVAPORATED? Stay in school, girls, you may actually learn things that help you kill people.

If anyone should know...

As someone with asthma, I'd like to be among the first to invite this woman to go fuck herself.

Rayner said she panicked as she had to get to the last train to Aberdeen with her daughter, who suffers from asthma.