That entire list is going to stick in the part of my brain that stores memories of clown pictures, man feet, and hominy.
fauxbola
fauxbola
College. Took entirely too much Molly because mine wasn't kicking in fast enough, peaked so hard on the dance floor of some nasty club that I laid down on the floor (GAG) and curled up in a ball while it felt like my face was going to melt into the floor. My friend had to drag me to the bathroom where I sat on a stall…
In my small town the thing to do on New Years when you were a teen was to go to the skating rink and take part in a "Lock-In", where they lock the doors and you skate and "party" all night (which meant 1am).
When I was in high school I had knee surgery on December 26 and the combination of immobility and hydrocodone made me super constipated and my mom had to give me an enema. At age 18. Worst NYE of my life.
you're only responsible until you make a mistake. And most of you will make a mistake. It may not end up this badly but you will make a mistake.
Law-abiding gun owners. Responsible gun owners. Centaurs with golden colons. Mermaids with emerald sphyncters.
If only there had been a good guy with a gun there to shoot that baby.
The point is that there exists a double standard where people focus more on black criminals compared to white criminals and Kenya is pointing that out. Why hasn't Judd Appatow criticized Woody Allen? Why do people have no problem talking shit about Chris Brown but say little to nothing about Charlie Sheen? Being a…
I would like to put all of her shoes in a place where she can't find them then sprinkle her whole home with Legos. I would also like to make the only music she is ever allowed to listen to every song featuring Pitbull or Nickleback.
So my cat scared the shit out of me tonight. He's only recently been showing interest in going outside, and will step out for two seconds then want back in. I was airing out the house and figured he stepped out. Earlier in the evening I tried going out and calling him, making noises, but there were just the old men…
I spent the first Christmas of my life without my family this year and it...was wonderful. This has been such a difficult year and I couldn't make it to Vegas, I was stuck in Memphis. I spent Christmas Eve at a friends house and the next day there as well and we drank spiked coffee and cooked TONS of food and just…
Good evening, Saturday Night Socializers...
I am proud. I've now made it through both Thanksgiving and Christmas without texting my ex. Five more days and I'm through the holidays and in the clear.
Next year tell your family you are sick or some other convincing excuse. Rent some movies, get some good take out, take a hot bath or two, have some nice wine or pot. Be good to you and never feel bad about it. Fuck that noise.
So, to compensate for the fact that I hate the holidays, lost my grandfather (aka the best octogenarian friend and housemate a girl could ever ask for) this spring, and had to have my dog/constant companion of over 11 years put down last month, I just booked plane tickets for to Scotland and England in May. Now, I'm…
Today started out fine. Ended with my mother screaming at me how I deserve to be treated like shit by my miscreant 17 year old brother (I am nearing 30). And also, that I lied about being raped because I just wanted attention. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS.
Can we just agree that everywhere in Florida is the Florida of Florida?
If this were a pattern I would definitely agree with you. As it is I think I should cut him a bit more slack; it's only been a week, and I know he's been trying to finish a lot of work and personal obligations so he can travel for the holidays. But if it continues, then yes, I need to end our romantic involvement. I…
I don't really have friends that are super into running, but it's been a huge part of my life for the past 4 years now. After a myriad of injuries throughout 2013 and 2014, I'm finally at an amazing place, training-wise. I don't think I've ever been this fast and confident before. I'm at a point where I could…