I asked him what happened when we got out of the elevator. He told me he was terrified because security was there.

OK, so I'm looking at all your comments here, and I genuinely have to ask: is defending the worth of Skyline Chili really the hill on which you want to die?

This is my favorite comment.

I am from the mid-south and spaghetti red is A Thing around these parts. To the point that Anthony Fucking Bourdain came to my home town and ate at the famous Fred and Red's Diner. He damned it with some pretty faint praise, but still.

You stupid fuck pieces of shit don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Just because something isn't a gourmet-deconstructed-hoitytoity-high-horse-preaching piece of Bushwick sewage doesn't mean it's bad. Fuck you.

"They come for the atmosphere,"

I'm on day two of a seven day low-calorie, clear-liquid (pre-op) diet and I have been so fucking hungry all day. After seeing that picture I am no longer hungry. Bless you.

Yeah, you can buy a mansion in Akron for the price that someone living by the coasts pays for a one bedroom condo.

My father is really bad with cats; once I placed an especially sweet, kissable kitten on his lap at a family party, and his hands curled up to his chest and he whispered "Please take it off of me, I don't know what it wants."

she looks so sheepy (which is how i say sleepy to all animals. it is also "rie down" and not lie down, and "shirsty" and not thirsty. there is a complex animal baby talk voice language that happens in the face of all animals)

I still have doubts. I have such doubts!

Mark, can you confirm that this cat is, in fact, alive? Did you see her breathing? Because the way her face is planted in that bed makes me think we may have a "Weekend at Bernie's" situation, here.

A chain of restaurants built on Stockholm syndrome. Brilliant.

pre official dinner carving.

$2500 ?!?!

Because you only ever had one Ken, right? I mean, I had LOADS of Barbies. Just one Ken. He never had much personality either, he'd just be there in the corner smiling blandly

Glad the mother was horrified instead of making some cliched remark about boys being boys or just kidding. Or turned into scary momma bear and how dare someone call out her snowflake.

This is incredibly satisfying. Nothing is more wonderful than the idea of misogynists having to admit their misogyny to the one woman who they think is somehow different. It's a beautiful thing.

My friend was sexually assaulted at a college party one night, so her boyfriend found the guy's home phone number and called his mother in the middle of dinner to tell him what he had done.

You had never seen a person repent so fast before.

And all the American cities except Pittsburgh have refused to speak to any British city, town, village, hamlet or even desolate, crumbling highland castle ruins for centuries because of The Chip Butty.