This is an impeccably researched piece. Pulitzer?

“The voicemail box for ... Papa John... is full”

Which means at leased one person looked at the list and rated Tweety above a 6.0. Tweety, may Sylvester eat you and leave your digested remains under a falling anvil.

Been in the biz more than 20 years... have been tipped for serving water fewer than ten times. Bless you.

Bar owner here.

“It’s not dust, it’s DiGiorno”

People are accepting the losing and care about budget thresholds because almost everyone has grown up playing fantasy sports. People RELATE to owners now. WE’RE ALL OWNERS!

Bold is a good word for it.

So very good.

What makes you think she’s a witch? Well, she turned me into a newt. I got better, but so what...

yup

He is being held at the Jefferson Parish Correctional Center

You firmed up that joke well, thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen, the defense rests.

Ha!

How about one state-run newspaper that employs one writer per state each with a different IQ?

Yet 90% said the name Fingerlings does offend them.

That horse is not human!

Great stuff. Same as as Pearl. Remember it all.

Shirtless goober? Try Gaza stripper.