Frankly, I’d be fine if they just wrote, “Get the fuck out of here.”

He should be thankful he got away with such a pathetically light sentence and work on becoming a better man, not trying to weasel out of the single real consequence for his actions.

The top is lovely, but the jeans are too mumsy and the shoes are uglier than homemade soup.

That’s probably salaried employees in the US.  It doesn’t count the hundreds of child laborers abroad actually making the clothes. 

Cheated. Sabotaged his sobriety. Emotionally abused him. Cost him work. Mocked Michael Jackson. Gave him a marriage ultimatum. Led him on about getting married. Joined a competing satirical Velvet Underground tribute bound and sniped all the potential Pizza Underground mitzvah and wedding jobs. Greeted him only by…

Even after spraining my ankle last Sunday, I finally completed my first triathlon! It was my goal last year and I had a wreck on the bike and broke my hand. It was so annoyingly hard and I was so slow but I’m so happy I finally did it.

It makes a lot of sense though. The people who tend to like to build shit always want to build things like bunkers. I’ve seen the “survivalist” kits they sell at all those stores

Can we also talk about the fact that he’s 60, has been there 10 years, got Cashier of the Month, and is still making less than $13/hr???

The problem is, they pay shitty and, at least for teachers, they shouldn’t be in a position to require a second job.

As a part of their training videos, they EMPHASIZE how unions are bad deal for workers and in no way should employees entertain the idea or listen to anyone who approaches them to do so. That’s one of the things that made me quit working there before I hit the floor. I’m educated enough to see thru the bullshit, but…

People who don’t leash dogs in public are selfish asshole. Not only can you put other people in danger, but even if your dog is well-behaved off leash and loves everybody and everything and never ever ever runs way, all it takes is one day where they decided a distraction is enticing enough, they run up to a properly l…

They're terrible at finishing drywall, I can't get them to use framing hammers, and don't even get me started on what they do when I use the laser level.  

What is the purpose of these mailings? It can only be terrorism.

Going anywhere in public with an unleashed dog is an absolute piece of shit move. Fuck that guy, and fuck the management at this Home Depot for siding with him over their employee.

Yup. Waited for her to fart aggressively and then start yelling. Honestly it might be the first time I find her relateable.

I’m putting in an urgent request to Britney Spear’s father for a legal guardianship over Roseanne Barr.

I thought they meant she ripped a fart. I was disappointed.

“more terrifying than a disheveled Roseanne ripping a butt”

And what the fuck is up with that message?? Happy Birthday Ma’am?! 

What the fuck is that cake? I would be beyond pissed if someone put that in front of me on my birthday. Especially if I was a god damn Duchess.