We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we still have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere...like the time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to…

*chef's kiss*

I liked Kanye better when he thought he was God.

As someone who was once part of a similar insurrection against arrogant, incompetent, and condescending management, I want to applaud all of y’all for today’s showing. I’m sure you’re simultaneously enjoying the fun of mutiny while also understanding the risk. Please also know how much it means to us here in the feebl…

Also, I appreciate that this act of defiance allowed me to read that article about the woman shitting on the floor at a Tim Horton’s, which has the single greatest kinja comment in the history of the site.

I feel like venture capitalists would consider theft a sport, right?

Damn. Where’s Reggie Jackson when you need him 

I don’t understand all the hate. He is our president, after all, and to be treated like this mere hours after he personally beat bin Laden’s brother to death with a golf club? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???

Obviously Trump got confused and meant to attend the W Nationalists rally down the street.

They were clearly saying boo-urns.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Oh, that Alge. He was always such a fungi.

Two riders were approaching... and the wind begin to HOWL

This is what we deserve for teaching him how to read. 

Financial ruin?

That was a top notch cry. 9/10 would cry again.

“Okay, hear me out. You know how the punter is usually the best athlete on the field?”

“At least he’s stopped asking me to dinner to ‘talk about my career.’”

“Jason figured it out? Well, I gotta say - this one stings.”

I was fine with Plemons’ weight because he’s so good at playing psychos, he stepped right back into Todd. One of the best parts of the movie was him cruising and jamming out to soft rock, it struck me as a (maybe unplanned) echo of Walter rocking out to “A Horse With No Name.” Maybe the distance between you and Meth…