Such a fun player to watch. Mainly because he hates batting helmets and uses his magical hair to viciously cast them off whenever he sprints around the bases. I personally hope he starts losing them when he slowly trots to first after a walk. Or walking from the on-deck circle to the batter’s box.

That we know about.

Your title implies he ever knew the words. Based on his exuberance, I’d say “To the prairies” was the only part he ever took the time to learn.

Hey, I’m a lawyer with a soul. Not a good lawyer, mind you.

Homer Simpson’s mom abandoned him amidst the turbulent 60s and the glory of Joe Namath’s hair, and Homer turned out just fine.

They should call her up again and then immediately announce they’re going to wear jerseys dedicated to BLM. Then again, with Antifa jerseys. Then once more, with Fuck Your Fake God jerseys.

It might be because in every year in which they’ve both played, Trout, an inner-, inner-circle HOFer who is having possibly the best start to a career ever, has been a better player than Betts. Even last year, when he played almost 40 less games than Betts. And mayhaps, it is therefore probably safer to speculate on…

Contrapoint:

If you had to choose a name from all the Kinja sites - like, your superhero name or something - which would you choose?

Those are definitely all words.

The fuck?

No one misjudges fly balls like Chip Caray. It’s an ongoing joke on Braves boards.

I make it a point to never learn anything.

Elmo is too evil to be the Shadow King.

Cheating on his pregnant wife with any relatively good looking woman who flirts with him? I’d say he’s got our customs down pat.

Because going out is exhausting and I just want to watch tv with someone else, sitting on the other side of the room, not talking, dammit.

What kind of psycho throws shit at someone who is precariously balanced on a street pole? I mean, yes, climbing street poles is fucking stupid in just about any context. But who looks at that and thinks, “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if I hit him and he fell and was severely injured!”

Acuña has gotten better at five consecutive stops:

Ahhahahahahaha....wait...I’m a hawks fan.

Is it really a lie if you just don’t care whether it’s true or not?