Nor do they need to know how to read. To become president, anyway.

I’m confused. Do I celebrate Stanton and Grilli for having fun, or condemn Stanton for being a fun police who is shitting on Grilli for not playing the game the “right way”? Is this a batflip situation, or a Brian McCann situation. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL!

Yes, but it also allows Kid Rock to congratulate himself on making a list with real, actual musicians. Like, really good ones! And he’s number 1!

We literally have a malevolent conman as our President, one who also has the admiration of Tom Brady. Not too surprising that other, previously respectable (kindasortamaybe) establishments are catering to that crowd.

I once used the slow clap to start a full on 100-person full-throated crowd cheer after some poor teenager cleaned up puke on a ride at Six Flags, mercifully allowing the ride to start again after we’d waited in a goddamn non-air conditioned hothouse in 100 degree weather. I guess that was heroic on his part.

Dirtbag v. Dooshbag, 2017!

No talent? Geez. I’m not Will Smith superfan or anything, but that seems like an unnecessarily scolding hot take.

If you wouldn’t sacrifice the safety of your baby to catch a foul ball off the bat of a mediocre player at a meaningless game involving one shittastic team, then buddy, we’re just not going to see eye to eye.

I don’t understand a word of that, but your post seems to mimic my response, which is why shit on a guy who might actually bridge various sporting communities just because he’s not as good as superior players using superior tools?

Edit for making a joke like waaaaay too late.

.224 average isn’t that bad for a guy who hadn’t played baseball in years. If he can do that with relatively no training, what do you think he could be doing if he had worked at it for years?

Exactly what a poor person would say after losing an argument to my gigantic paycheck.

Yes, but it would be MOST correctly to just not give a shit.

Challenge accepted!

This kid is completely fucking overrated. The Twins are wise to pass on him, as would be the Reds. And Padres. And Rays.

I did.

The important thing is finding a way to make him go to college for a couple years before he’s allowed to profit off of his skills, amiright NCAA?

How is it that top picture exists and yet I somehow have never seen it photoshopped with the Orb?

Maybe he just likes to recreate his favorite movie scenes while on the mound.

Report: Deadspin offices smelled of weed before, during, and after the writing of this post.