That’s what Fred Rogers wanted you to believe. Dude was the fuckin’ terminator.

How AVClub picks its targets is a mystery known only to the treasurer and God(Satan?) But writing a negative review of a life because it’s both too boring and too sad is just too sad, too obviously about a commitment to shitting on the official enemies. Pick one criticism, half too lurid or half too dull, then say it…

Fred Rogers was never in the military.

[peers through scope, covered in camouflage, deep in the jungle of the Mekong Delta]

Oh, Mr. Rogers, by far. Tom Hanks is great and a national treasure, but Mr. Rogers practically raised a couple generations of us.

I guess they’re saving his navy seal sniper history for the sequel.

On the one hand, “you and I” is incorrect grammar and would rhyme “I” with
“I.” But on the other, it’s a better rhyme than “me” an “I.” Maybe “Who’s the leader of the gang, and just a stand-up guy?”?

“a read suitable for Straczynski superfans only”

If you think about it, the Carr brothers inadvertently saved Maloof’s life by scooping him up first and delaying his kidnapping by Alonso and Dodie until just before the airing of the news report about Moleman being the bomber. They are clearly the wooooorst though, I was glad they got eliminated. Side note: were the…

Zed’s dead, Jim!

Mr Pink is now a Vulcan who finds human concepts of tipping wait-staff illogical.

Spock: ‘Vulcan, motherfucker, do you speak it?’

So what you’re saying is you’ve never read any Star Trek fanfic?

“When you docked, did you notice a sign on my starbase that said ‘Dead Klingon storage’?”

Kirk: Mmm. Goddamn, Bones. This is some serious gourmet shit. Usually, me and Spock would be happy with some freeze-dried Romulan ale, right? And he springs this serious gourmet shit on us. What flavor is this?

I don’t want to be Mr. Red!

IT’S A STRANGER!!

Was there ANYONE who could discern the lyrics of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” without the liner notes?

As with Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, it might be more fitting of the mockumentary label.