My gift is my star...and this one’s for you...

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to apply satin latex paint to the exterior of a house.

Meh, I prefer the Farmer Vincent’s Fritters at Motel Hello

I was an adult at the time, and no, I don’t remember Lorena being the butt of jokes. I mean, the situation itself, yes, was endless comedy fodder, but not Lorena in particular. People were mostly sympathetic towards her, or even considered her a bit of a folk hero for giving John what he so obviously deserved. Though…

If it makes you feel any better, most people never make it as far as those books Hughes is referencing!

No

You’re The Worst has always excelled at maneuvering between different tones.

The part of the Fyre Fraud doc that kind of horrified me was when someone pointed out that those tent areas bordered on high ledges (with no railings) that led way, way down to a concrete floor, so it would be really easy for some drunk person to fall right off and (at the very least) break their neck. It’s probably…

Nah

Madam Secretary is like if you took West Wing and buried it in the Micmac burial ground from Pet Sematary, and it Came Back Wrong. I watch it the way I used to eat pan-fried Steak-Umms on Wonder Bread as a kid because I wanted a hamburger but couldn’t drive to Wendy’s.

I’ve never believed the story that Brian stumbled upon boxes of notes by Frank for a sequel. The fact that he won’t release any of the notes speaks volumes. I don’t begrudge him making a living off of his dad’s work, but could he at least have chosen a less hacky writer than Kevin J. Anderson?

He’d make a great Gurney Halleck!

Turns out the director of The Master would approve!

Alternatively, can I get a free version with Louis C.K. periodically interrupting the commentary with bigoted rants?

Nah

I hope the prize is not having to read any more gossip about Cardi B and Offset. 

But he’s old! He’s had decades’ worth of pizza to compare this to!

As a former resident of Las Vegas, I think it’d be a good thing for the city if more people there switched to marijuana from whatever psychosis-inducing substance they normally use!

I was at a Costco recently, and an old timer walking past went up to me and exclaimed “THIS IS THE BEST GOD DAMNED PIZZA IN THE UNIVERSE!” I thought, wow, I should check this out!

I’d dine out more often, but I’m tired of being stared at and accosted by food writers every time I go out!