It sounds like they were aiming too high trying to make this a big budget movie right out of the gate. I don't know how this would ever have been that big of a box office draw, since the Dark Tower is kind of a cult thing even among Stephen King fans.

I do feel incrementally better!

That was my worst fear based on the trailer, so…ughhhhh.

Hey, who left all these wet balls of paper in here?

Show me you're nuts!

I'm guessing Kid Rock?

In related news, Adam Sandler's physician confirms that he is in the peak of health, will likely live well into his 100s.

Well, that line is even funnier now that it's inseparably linked with the dark specter of terminal illness of a child!

So that's how he bent the spoon?

"Indictments straight ahead!"

That's true. These are probably the worst offenders, because they're not only extremely lazy articles, but are also Trump outrage bait.

The thing that sucks about crappy adaptations (besides themselves) is that Hollywood inevitably blames the source material for the failure. It's not that they made a bad Dark Tower movie, it's that nobody wants to see a Dark Tower movie. It's like when that awful Avengers (not-the-superhero-one) movie flopped — the…

…yes

I'll always love A Beautiful Mind for doing that thing with the floating animated numbers and equations, which is what I reference every time my wife asks me to do any basic arithmetic.

I had a co-worker who was literally saved from homelessness by food stamps and other government assistance, and went on to vote for Trump.

Do your co-workers ask you a lot of roundabout questions, trying to figure out your political stance without coming right out and asking?

After all these years, people still can't agree on how to classify Pat!

That's a load of bolics!

Yes — Pat was oblivious, but never in a derogatory way. It was never suggested that Pat was obliged to resolve the unspoken question about their gender, or that people's confusion was anything but their own problem. I always thought the humor in the sketches was about how uncomfortable people are with ambiguity and…

I actually enjoyed those Pat sketches! It surprises me that people were offended by them, because the message I came away with was how ridiculous it was to get hung up on a person's gender. I thought it was pretty clear that Pat was a healthy, happy person, while the people around him/her were getting themselves…