I don’t see the downside to marrying Taylor Swift. Even if you don’t get to consummate... why would annul that? Did you overlook the part about NO PRENUPS?

Yes. Yes. Yes. This is maybe the best reason to get married I’ve ever heard.

*sigh* Portland will never get a hockey team.

They run promotions to sell tickets to OTHER TEAMS FAN BASE. That’s why they sell out at home - half the audience is rooting for the visiting team. How can you not see that as a struggling franchise?

Look. I’m not saying the other elements you outlined aren’t a factor in the perception of time. They certainly are. “Time flies when you’re having fun” is a common saying because we all experience it, much like we do waiting for water to boil or work to be over, when time seems to slow to a crawl. But these are small…

It isn’t a suggestion, it is an inherent truth. The way we perceive things is based on what we have experienced. You can apply it to many things. Say the first pain you ever felt was a scraped knee, you might think that is the most horrible feeling in the world, but once you’ve broken an arm, your frame of reference…

You know, I grew up poor too. My family was always on welfare, always moving from shitty apt to shitty apt looking for work. I was homeless when I graduated high school. Never went to college. Though I’ve never had a credit card, I had to file for bankruptcy when I was 23, mostly due to family/medical issues.

Maybe I’m just biased cause I’ve seen many marmots in the wild before. I’ve even had a grumpy one “chase me” once.

I know this column is mostly tongue-in-cheek, but you can’t honestly think “everything would pretty much be like it is now” if we knew the world was ending. No damn way there is still sporting events and awards show. NO WAY. All of it becomes meaningless, there would be massive chaos, economic collapse, etc. It is…

You are flat out wrong about baths. I don’t enjoy them personally (I take 1-2 a year when I’m feeling really sick), but what you fail to understand is that most of the grime, oil, and bacteria that sticks to your skin over the course of the day is easily lubricated off you (and then diluted) in the bath. It doesn’t…

I’m sure the Coen Bros know what a marmot is. Calling a ferret a marmot was very in character for The Dude.

Ah, the stupidity of assigning gender to asexual robots.

Tears of Impotent Rage. That is wonderful. A+

Tipping a bartender who performs the miraculous feat of pulling out a bottle and popping the cap off or grabbing a smudged glass and pulling a lever is what bothers me the most. If I order a cocktail, sure, but the expectation to tip $1 per drink every time for such a simple transaction of beer is kind of ridiculous.…

Seriously, he’s being attacked by a mob. Listen women, just because you have ovaries, that doesn’t give you cart blanche to go swinging at someone and not get struck. You want equality in every way except that no one can ever touch you, even when you do something violent and stupid.

How dare someone not be attracted to you!

Why are moms so misogynistic?

Just so I’m clear, a woman who had never really read your writing before gives you what most would describe as a backhanded compliment and, presumably because you too are a woman, you consider this misogyny and negging? No chance that it was someone who (likely) lacks strong social intelligence and chose a slightly…

The problem I always run into is that once the orgasm approaches, they start squirming like crazy and it is so hard to stay on target and in the same rhythm. I know when I’ve hit a spot (they don’t have to say anything), but its like trying to ride a bucking bull with your face. I try to just hang on for dear life and…

I don’t think they’ll ever stop completely. I only buy manual cars and dislike driving automatic.