Pah. If he was a real Conservative, his wee sign’d say “Conservative, but up for a good felching whilst wearing my Sarah Palin cosplay outfit”.

Oh, we already support Marie Stopes and the pro-choice supporters in Northern Ireland as much as we can. Just because you can support others in other countries doesn’t mean you can’t also help closer to home.

Here. Have a cookie. No, have the fucking internet with sprinkles and chocolate cream slathered on its nipples. You win today!

Can people donate from outside the US? I know a few women here in the UK (okay, my mother, grandmother, sister and female cousins) who’d want to support.

If that’s the outfit she was wearing when the fat little mouthbreather penned their comment, then all I can say is: darling, you looked lovely. If wearing that makes you feel fabulous and if it’s a colour you know you look good in? Then you keep doing it. Ignore the hateful twats or, well, do a Glaswegian and give ‘em…

Well, she sounds like she’s properly divorced from reality if she calls that dreck “art”. Did she watch that patronising shit on Buzzfeed where entitled staff members go and learn how to do graffiti and thought to herself “I’m a white girl! I’m blonde! I’m privileged by default, so I’ll learn this shit too!”?

There are a lot of comments being made here - mostly from people in the US (we don’t have the same laws as you. Surprise!) who clearly don’t know a thing about anti-social behaviour laws in the UK and especially England.

No - I’m going to stop you right there before you make yourself sound even more of an arsehole.

Cut his fucking balls off. He’s a rapist. He always will be a rapist. He attacked and raped an innocent woman with his actions. Cut his fucking tiny wee prunes off, cook them up and make him fucking eat them. And then drop his naked arse into the Arctic. Let’s see how his “promising future” pans out for him when he’s…

Good for them. I wonder how many times people may have been in this situation and not spoken up - god knows I would, and I would have demanded the little shit drink every last delicious drop of GHB-laden pinot (before going Glaswegian and sticking the stem into his crotch). But also, good on the restaurant.

I say we castrate him. Who’s got a rusty razor?

Oh dear.

Again, I’m amazed at that Middleton woman’s ability to dress herself twenty years older than she actually is. Get a decent stylist, love, and do something with that mop on your head. Good lord, it looks ready to declare sentience, emancipate itself and run off with the remains of Wills’ once-famous head of hair…

St. Andrew’s is a good university, one of Scotland’s most famous, sure - but it’s not great. If you want greatness then you study at Edinburgh or the University of Glasgow. (To be cruel, if I wanted to study “Art History”, I’d probably go and try to get myself into the Glasgow School of Art, also known as the…

It looks remarkably polished and quite D&G-esque. I bloody loved the music though - was that specially created for the film/trailer or is lurking somewhere?

Ugh, Kate fucking Middleton...

It’s like whenever the brothel in a Western lines up to watch a gunfight. Quick! Someone throw a grenade! Humanity will thank you!

True fact: my Gran refers to Madonna as “that auld witch, Madge the radge with the shrivelled vaj”.

I think it says more about my wee country than anything else that when she popped out of her wee closet (can you tell I’m not a Dugdale fan?) the majority of responses were “Aye, and what?” Seriously - we’ve come a long way in Scotland since decriminalisation in 1980. It should also be noted, Jezebel-hacks, that the…

Let’s be frank: who, apart from Piers “I rub my greasy palms on other men’ thighs” Morgan would genuinely be upset if that Kim Kardashian cretin exploded tomorrow? Exactly. Fuck off, Piers. You’re creeping me out again.